[What if it scares him, if he acts? What if it makes Adrian jump if he moves, if he takes him in his arms and pulls him in close like he wants to? What if he startles, and instincts take over, and he only ends up hating himself for the way he'd reacted? There are so many what-ifs and they feel like chains winding around his body, like he's trapped in stopped time all over again fighting to move and barely able to twitch a finger.
He's crying. Adrian's crying.
He's hurt and he's withdrawn and he's crying, and Jotaro doesn't know what to do. He's never been good at this. What is he supposed to do, when all of the ways he tries to tell Adrian he loves him are through action, through touch, and touch might not be something Adrian even wants right now?
Why is he failing at this? Why can't he ever seem to protect even one person?
Except —
Except that then something rears its much-needed, albeit ugly, head. The fuck is he thinking? This isn't about him. Hell is he doing, letting his own intrusive thoughts get the better of him at a time like this? He may not know what to do, but he sure as hell knows what he shouldn't be doing, and it's that.]
Shh. S'okay...it's gonna be okay.
[He brings his head to rest against Adrian's, gentle and without putting pressure on him, but letting him feel he's there.]
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He's crying.
Adrian's crying.
He's hurt and he's withdrawn and he's crying, and Jotaro doesn't know what to do. He's never been good at this. What is he supposed to do, when all of the ways he tries to tell Adrian he loves him are through action, through touch, and touch might not be something Adrian even wants right now?
Why is he failing at this?
Why can't he ever seem to protect even one person?
Except —
Except that then something rears its much-needed, albeit ugly, head. The fuck is he thinking? This isn't about him. Hell is he doing, letting his own intrusive thoughts get the better of him at a time like this? He may not know what to do, but he sure as hell knows what he shouldn't be doing, and it's that.]
Shh. S'okay...it's gonna be okay.
[He brings his head to rest against Adrian's, gentle and without putting pressure on him, but letting him feel he's there.]
I promise. We'll make it okay.