[Not having an answer for him is apparently better than having one. It's good Alucard can acknowledge the uncertainty of the future.
And yet, D is at a loss for any kind of advice. He doesn't think he owes it to Alucard, of all people, and he's too use to being able to fall back on reminding humans that have a chance to be free of burden, "normal," to live and die. Alucard is not so simple.]
You have few options. If you don't return here, you will have to take your father's place. Otherwise, what's left for you is the life of a Hunter.
Do you think you can find companionship and keep it? You want it so badly for me, but is it really that you want it for yourself?
[Taking his father's place. To do what, rule what remains of beasts who linger in the night? They would look at Alucard as a traitor, at best.
What an idea, living as a Hunter. No, if Trevor can continue the Belmont line, then there is no need for him.
Suddenly, he feels tired and likely looks it upon the last question.]
Barely a year ago, my mother was executed wrongfully and my father nearly killed me. Is it so odd to desire it?
Yet, I know it is impossible. There is nothing that would last. My time in Hathaway is a mixed blessing, to experience companionship that I will never have elsewhere for but a shred of time.
[D finds he doesn't have any up-lifting words for Alucard's worries. He can't be so firm about his own solitude and separation when Alucard is crafted of the same fabric.
He also can't lie and say being a dhampir won't always be an existence of suffering from all sides.
The Guild accepts them for who they are--mostly--but the friendships are fragile and fleeting. It's not any different than the many humans he's watched go into the goodness of death. They come, and they go.]
We both know what it means to be this. Never quite fitting in to either side, never quite beastly enough, never quite human enough. I knew this. I still do.
[The apology isn't terrible, but it's barely a bandage. They both know there isn't much for them.]
I was not truthful to you before. When you asked me what I would do after I kill my father.
You say there are two options -- to take his place, or to become a Hunter, like you. After I slay him, I will return to sleep. Infinitely.
[D's face doesn't change from its usual stoic look. Whatever he feels at the news, it doesn't come to his face.
But his eyes do lower briefly beneath the heavy lashes, and then they looks back up.]
When the Nobles began to decrease in number on the Frontier, many of them fled to space in the ships built into their castles. Others chose to sleep for eternity deep beneath the surface. They're still there, somewhere, on the Frontier. Sleeping endlessly.
[It feels like running away. Hiding. D doesn't know if he abhors the idea or envies it greatly. Once he's finished with his own quest, what will he do except chase the last few vampires left? There'll soon be no use for Hunters much less dhampirs.]
[It's difficult to know what D may be thinking. The subtle expressions he have can tell all Alucard needs or wants to know. Right now, he isn't sure of D's thoughts.
It's frustrating, but then, D doesn't owe him anything.]
They know there is nothing left for them, then. They escape their inevitable end.
For me, all I could want will either be beyond my reach or will be left in the ashes.
You said you couldn't know the future. Perhaps you will change your mind once you go back.
[His dark eyes study Alucard's face.]
There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. The life of a dhampir isn't anything but being alone. [He's quiet for a moment. It feels strange to be so personable, but he can't think of any other way to say it for it may not apply to Alucard at all.] I don't have to be lonely.
The people I have met and helped, the ones I have saved from the Nobility, the places I have traveled... Even if I am alone, knowing they are there keeps me from being lonely.
I will stay awake until the day I, too, am hunted. So that I can continue to see what the humans do with the world they have taken back.
[It's the only way he knows to say, "You should, too," without forcing Alucard's decision.]
No, I couldn't know, but I know Wallachia and I know myself.
[Despite himself, Alucard is not as collected or stifled as D; his own voice trembles faintly before he takes in a deep breath.]
My mother loved the humans, despite everything. She knew their naivete, but wanted to help them. Even to the minute they burned her alive, she begged for mercy on their behalf.
I will give them salvation from my father. I cannot give anything else.
[Again, he's quiet. His eyes are watchful, but soft in the presence of Alucard's turmoil. He doesn't offer any physical comfort; however, the sheer fact he hasn't left or turned away is a powerful enough indication he's invested even if Alucard may not realize it.]
It will be long and arduous, but I believe it would be wrong to squander the training your mother shared with you.
[He pauses thoughtfully. Alucard has very much suffered the anger of his father. D is no different, as much as he despises it. Yet.]
Try here first.
Fixing Drakstaden won't happen only by removing the Prime Minister. The city is sick all over. Their only source of medical assistance has been defunded. Lundberg has a shady practice; he cares more about his findings than his patients, and he doesn't have the materials to ensure recovery.
Depending on what you know, you could help them until we're finished.
You should speak to Keith. He's looking to improve the conditions of the lower and middle levels. Those there require augmentations for labor, working. For survival.
What do you know about surgery? Lundberg was a candidate for working with Gunnar, but I believe alone that may be dangerous. You could work with both of them, or with just Gunnar.
[He'd seen that, and it's unsurprising that Keith would be so concerned with the lower levels. Keith has a good, determined heart.]
I know basic surgeries, nothing terribly intricate like my mother, unfortunately. But I have no doubt that I would be able to do as much if not more than Lundberg.
[Alucard hesitates, then closes his eyes.] I would not refuse your help, if you wish to.
Damn, he's cheeky! Wasn't he just talking about sleeping forever? Hmm... If anything happens to you, though, I'll have to catch a ride on him! A little young, but...
I don't think so.
[Without any hurry, D turns back to the table he had been sitting at initially. The paper he had been writing on is moved over, and a clean sheet is taken out.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And is that what you would do?
[He sighs.] It's difficult to say this without knowing how the future will unfold. I cannot give you an answer.
alba i fucking hate you every time!!!
And yet, D is at a loss for any kind of advice. He doesn't think he owes it to Alucard, of all people, and he's too use to being able to fall back on reminding humans that have a chance to be free of burden, "normal," to live and die. Alucard is not so simple.]
You have few options. If you don't return here, you will have to take your father's place. Otherwise, what's left for you is the life of a Hunter.
Do you think you can find companionship and keep it? You want it so badly for me, but is it really that you want it for yourself?
[It's genuine questions.]
huehuehue!!!!
What an idea, living as a Hunter. No, if Trevor can continue the Belmont line, then there is no need for him.
Suddenly, he feels tired and likely looks it upon the last question.]
Barely a year ago, my mother was executed wrongfully and my father nearly killed me. Is it so odd to desire it?
Yet, I know it is impossible. There is nothing that would last. My time in Hathaway is a mixed blessing, to experience companionship that I will never have elsewhere for but a shred of time.
So no, I don't think I could.
no subject
He also can't lie and say being a dhampir won't always be an existence of suffering from all sides.
The Guild accepts them for who they are--mostly--but the friendships are fragile and fleeting. It's not any different than the many humans he's watched go into the goodness of death. They come, and they go.]
I'm sorry, Adrian.
no subject
[The apology isn't terrible, but it's barely a bandage. They both know there isn't much for them.]
I was not truthful to you before. When you asked me what I would do after I kill my father.
You say there are two options -- to take his place, or to become a Hunter, like you. After I slay him, I will return to sleep. Infinitely.
no subject
But his eyes do lower briefly beneath the heavy lashes, and then they looks back up.]
When the Nobles began to decrease in number on the Frontier, many of them fled to space in the ships built into their castles. Others chose to sleep for eternity deep beneath the surface. They're still there, somewhere, on the Frontier. Sleeping endlessly.
[It feels like running away. Hiding. D doesn't know if he abhors the idea or envies it greatly. Once he's finished with his own quest, what will he do except chase the last few vampires left? There'll soon be no use for Hunters much less dhampirs.]
no subject
It's frustrating, but then, D doesn't owe him anything.]
They know there is nothing left for them, then. They escape their inevitable end.
For me, all I could want will either be beyond my reach or will be left in the ashes.
no subject
[His dark eyes study Alucard's face.]
There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. The life of a dhampir isn't anything but being alone. [He's quiet for a moment. It feels strange to be so personable, but he can't think of any other way to say it for it may not apply to Alucard at all.] I don't have to be lonely.
The people I have met and helped, the ones I have saved from the Nobility, the places I have traveled... Even if I am alone, knowing they are there keeps me from being lonely.
I will stay awake until the day I, too, am hunted. So that I can continue to see what the humans do with the world they have taken back.
[It's the only way he knows to say, "You should, too," without forcing Alucard's decision.]
no subject
[Despite himself, Alucard is not as collected or stifled as D; his own voice trembles faintly before he takes in a deep breath.]
My mother loved the humans, despite everything. She knew their naivete, but wanted to help them. Even to the minute they burned her alive, she begged for mercy on their behalf.
I will give them salvation from my father. I cannot give anything else.
no subject
Do you know any of your mother's trade?
no subject
Both my parents raised me with science and medicine.
[He doesn't say it, but he wanted to be like his mother the most.]
no subject
[He pauses thoughtfully. Alucard has very much suffered the anger of his father. D is no different, as much as he despises it. Yet.]
Try here first.
Fixing Drakstaden won't happen only by removing the Prime Minister. The city is sick all over. Their only source of medical assistance has been defunded. Lundberg has a shady practice; he cares more about his findings than his patients, and he doesn't have the materials to ensure recovery.
Depending on what you know, you could help them until we're finished.
no subject
Dhampir will never be saviors.
But he can't argue the more delicate point about his mother. It would be a waste to not put some of that to use, wouldn't it?]
...Perhaps.
It will become more difficult for me to be in the other levels, save the lower. Perhaps that is where I should be, in all respects.
no subject
What do you know about surgery? Lundberg was a candidate for working with Gunnar, but I believe alone that may be dangerous. You could work with both of them, or with just Gunnar.
[He pauses thoughtfully.]
I'll help you, if you'd like.
no subject
I know basic surgeries, nothing terribly intricate like my mother, unfortunately. But I have no doubt that I would be able to do as much if not more than Lundberg.
[Alucard hesitates, then closes his eyes.] I would not refuse your help, if you wish to.
no subject
[Another voice says, sounding entertained:]
A little dangerous, don't you think? There'll be a lot of blood. A whole lot of blood. Maybe the two of you won't be able to resist!
no subject
Despite what your parasite may think. [The words are said a bit wryly.]
no subject
I don't think so.
[Without any hurry, D turns back to the table he had been sitting at initially. The paper he had been writing on is moved over, and a clean sheet is taken out.]
Is there anything you are going to need?