( it's a precautionary check to get out of the way before her real questions began. some dreams you could believe you were awake but were really still asleep )
( vanessa nods, looking away as she thinks on his answer, on if she can help. she doesn't know if her methods would work, would she be able to see anything if it was a hallucination, would she be able to see anything considering that he was a vampire? these were questions that she didn't know )
I am familiar with hallucinations, ones that have felt spectacularly real.
( she looks back at him now, expression serious. they felt so real because, in a way, they were. she'd been possessed, weak. lucifer had been stronger, able to make her see and feel something else. some of her memory of the events is patchy but she'd hallucinated recently all the same )
You remember that I spoke of Lucifer? The visions that I had of him were ones no other could see.
[There's hesitation on Alucard's part. Lucifer, again. He knows she's mentioned him before, and it is very unlikely that the one he knows here is the one that's plagued Vanessa. But he still can't help but think of it.]
I don't know that my vision was but one only for my eyes. There was no one else there to witness.
...Though perhaps there is someone who could tell me as well.
[Once before, someone has had a glimpse inside, experienced what he experienced. Though very personal, he could not say he has any contempt for Vanessa witnessing it.
He nods.] How is it done? What do you need from me?
( vanessa nods before she takes his hand, covering it with both of hers. there's a breath before she closes her eyes, senses extending from her hands to his, almost crawling across him to his mind.
when vanessa speaks her voice is low, describing the events )
I hear a voice. It's faint. Broken.
( there's a small frown. it's almost jumping in her head causing vanessa to have trouble focusing on the event.
seconds more pass before vanessa opens her eyes, letting go of his hand )
I didn't see anyone. What I could hear wasn't the full conversation, just parts of it. Words but no emotion.
[Alucard waits, tense but patient. He wants it desperately to not be true, but he worries, frantic, what if it was her. In his heart, he knows it isn't, but still--]
Then it is... possible that it was merely in my mind. And not at all her.
I'm afraid that I have no other details. Just that this was the first and only instance. I would not have opened my eyes if I ... didn't feel her kiss my forehead.
I wish that I could tell you something more hopeful.
( though in addition to seeing things vanessa had also-- felt things. had that been a result of just her hallucinations or because of her possession also? )
I fear that my experiences are not similar enough to give you a comparison. ( there's a momentary pause, her expression a little uncomfortable as she scratches the memory ) But I did also feel what occurred. In my mind, then, everything was quite real. I would have had difficulty discerning it from reality.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[He pulls a chair over for himself as well, sitting before he pauses.]
You... may.
[Alucard sighs softly.] When I was sleeping, I thought I felt her kiss my forehead. When I woke, it looked to be that she was there.
She said to me: "He was right to hate humans. I did so much good for them and they killed me. Tell me, did he avenge me?"
Then she looked furious. She asked me: "Did you?"
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( it's a precautionary check to get out of the way before her real questions began. some dreams you could believe you were awake but were really still asleep )
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[He takes no offense to her question. It is a fair one; often humans have blamed dreams and sleep paralysis on demons and black magic.
But he is confident of what he'd witnessed.]
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I am familiar with hallucinations, ones that have felt spectacularly real.
( she looks back at him now, expression serious. they felt so real because, in a way, they were. she'd been possessed, weak. lucifer had been stronger, able to make her see and feel something else. some of her memory of the events is patchy but she'd hallucinated recently all the same )
You remember that I spoke of Lucifer? The visions that I had of him were ones no other could see.
( all except her last )
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I don't know that my vision was but one only for my eyes. There was no one else there to witness.
...Though perhaps there is someone who could tell me as well.
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I thought that no one was with you?
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Perhaps I could inquire and find if it is possible to locate a recording of my experience.
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( vanessa had learned something of men in the walls, of computers, though it was still wildly unfamiliar to her )
I may also be able to help if you're willing. I cannot guarantee an answer.
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( vanessa could do more than that but it wasn't relevant )
I may be able to see what you've described.
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[Once before, someone has had a glimpse inside, experienced what he experienced. Though very personal, he could not say he has any contempt for Vanessa witnessing it.
He nods.] How is it done? What do you need from me?
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( she just needed his touch. they were other ways that vanessa could do this but touch was the simplest, and more likely to net her what she wanted )
If you're certain about this.
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[He holds out his hand to her.]
As you need.
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when vanessa speaks her voice is low, describing the events )
I hear a voice. It's faint. Broken.
( there's a small frown. it's almost jumping in her head causing vanessa to have trouble focusing on the event.
seconds more pass before vanessa opens her eyes, letting go of his hand )
I didn't see anyone. What I could hear wasn't the full conversation, just parts of it. Words but no emotion.
( not a spirit, she would assume. nothing real )
Whatever you saw I believe only you could see.
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Then it is... possible that it was merely in my mind. And not at all her.
But I would hear your thoughts on the matter.
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she doesn't answer his request immediately, giving herself a couple of moments to get her thoughts together )
Something caused this-- vision. ( she's putting it politely ) When you were ill did you see anything or was this the first instance?
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I should not trust my senses during that time.
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( though in addition to seeing things vanessa had also-- felt things. had that been a result of just her hallucinations or because of her possession also? )
I fear that my experiences are not similar enough to give you a comparison. ( there's a momentary pause, her expression a little uncomfortable as she scratches the memory ) But I did also feel what occurred. In my mind, then, everything was quite real. I would have had difficulty discerning it from reality.