[He knew about the wrists. And he knew, from speaking with Trevor, a vague idea of what it might have been, whatever it was that tore those burns into Adrian's skin. But none of that really prepared him for this, for seeing how far they extend beyond just his wrists — and how ugly of marks they still are, even after days.
Something coiled around him, he thinks with slow-simmering ire, while his eyes track over the curving marks and start to put together the pieces of the ugly puzzle they make. Something...something that wrapped around and around, like a snare, like a trap...
It's everything he can do not to bare his teeth. In that moment, the wolf in him is in complete agreement with his own opinion, and both of them are furious at the sight.
But that small part of him knows better. Knows, suddenly, why Adrian avoided him, just like he's hiding his face from him now. He's afraid of what he'll say. And that — that is the only thing, right now, that's keeping him on his leash.]
Who did this to you...?
[He doesn't expect an answer, really. He props himself up on one arm instead, bringing the other hand to rest tentatively over Adrian's hip, amid a patch of unbroken skin. Reassuring, or so he hopes.]
[There's a moment where he shudders, squeezing his eyes shut, trying not to cry in this moment. It's such poor timing, this is terrible, they were... they were supposed to just have a nice time with each other. Just be intimate with someone he loves, someone who loves him, he's safe, why is he like this?
He quivers and reaches down for one of Jotaro's hands, desperate for him. It comes out like a broken dam before he can even think of stopping himself, holding back after so long.]
I was drawn back into Wallachia, somehow. I'm not sure how, but it seems to be a possibility with others. I was there for a month, and... there were two people that arrived. I--
I couldn't remember you or anyone else here. I'm sorry. I was lonely, and I thought I could be close to them, but they found some sort of trap from the Belmont hold and used it on me. They-- they started to be intimate with me to trick me and I had to--
[He can't finish. He covers his face with his other hand, trying to cover his misery and tears.]
Recognition slams down on him, his blood running cold as ice. There's so much about what Adrian describes, one gutpunch after another, that by the time his voice cracks, Jotaro's eyes are wide with the horror he can't shake.
He knew — he knew it must've been something bad, but —
The fucking moon gods sent him home and he didn't know. Adrian went back to the bitter loneliness he'd left behind when he first came here, and he didn't know. He couldn't remember anything about this. About being here. Someone took advantage of him. Someone took advantage of him.
They went in Trevor's fucking family hold and they found something to kill vampires and they tricked him, they seduced him, they took advantage of his terrible loneliness and his desperation to be accepted and they let that blind him, used it to make him let his guard down so that they could get away with binding him and —
It startles him, when he blinks and all of a sudden his own world has gone blurred. His eyes are hot. Wet. When did that happen?]
Oh, fuck, Adrian...
[He laces their fingers together, squeezes his hand tight. He doesn't even know if Adrian wants to be touched right now, for all that he wants so desperately to hold him.]
Hey...hey...
[Fuck, fuck, what the hell do you even say to something like this? Would someone good with words even know?]
Adrian, it wasn't your fault. None of it is your fault, you — you, hey, c'mon...
I killed them and I betrayed you without realizing it.
[And that hurts him too. That he'd forgotten Jotaro, that he carried on his misery without knowing there was someone for him after all. It wasn't just that he had been taken advantage of, that he'd been hurt, but on top of all of that he wasn't faithful and he hates that too.
Slowly, he crumples, pressing his forehead against Jotaro's shoulder.]
[Slowly, cautiously, he wraps his arms around Adrian as gently as he can, bringing him along in the cradle of his arms as he lies back down onto the mattress. Ironic, isn't it. He's gotten his wish in the worst possible way, wanting his world to be nothing but Adrian for a while.
He just wishes there weren't the tears. The sorrow. The anguish.]
Adrian...I won't even be born for half a century. You —
[Wait. Wait, that's not even the point at all, is it? He's grasping for the easy answers, subconsciously, because he's so afraid of fucking up the hard ones.]
...They hurt you. They were hurting you, you did what you had to.
[Then again, he didn't even have his ring with him then, somehow. Yet he still can't help but feel like he's done wrong by Jotaro, done to himself, did he deserve this for what he did to Dracula? His own father?
He shudders, letting himself sink his weight against Jotaro. He's ruined so much, he feels like. He's ruined this moment, it was supposed to be fine.]
[Inch by inch, he closes his arms around Adrian more securely, holding him close and tight against his chest. Then, gradually, he slides one hand up his back, tucking against the nape of his neck and raking through his hair.
All of a sudden it makes a terrible sense. Why Adrian didn't want to see him. Why he's been so withdrawn, so shy. He's ashamed, he's traumatized. But maybe worst of all, he feels guilty. Like he should've been better, and as usual, he wasn't enough.]
I tell you all the time that you're my Adrian. I...don't tell you nearly as much that I'm your Jotaro.
[He strokes his hand through Adrian's hair, again and again, petting him with as much tenderness as he can.]
I'm yours. I am. Nothing's going to change that.
[He closes his eyes, searching desperately for words.]
I wish...I could just. Make it stop hurting, for you. Do something. Hit someone. Fix it.
You told me...it's normal to be haunted. That's what you said. [He lets out a faint huff, wry humor.] You also said you're terrible at asking for help when you need it.
But I'm going to help. I'm going to be here for you — keep being here for you. And...I promise it won't feel like this anymore, someday. It won't always be like this, Adrian. It'll get better. We'll...we'll be okay.
[For a moment, Adrian is quiet, laying against Jotaro and feeling his fingers stroke through his hair. Eventually, he brings up Jotaro's hand, brushing his lips over his knuckles.]
I love you.
[His voice is soft and delicate, but he means it. Finally, he manages to lift his head enough to look at Jotaro in the eyes, even if he suddenly feels tired from spilling everything inside of him. He wants to think to himself if only he'd been stronger, but with Jotaro it's... okay to be weak sometimes.
And he'll be there. He's been here throughout everything.]
I don't know how to ask, or what to ask for, but... thank you. You've done so much for me already.
[There they are. Three words he already knew, deep down — and yet hearing them turns his entire world upside down. His breath catches, and from lying on top of him, Adrian will be able to feel the way he swallows, how his whole body seems to move with it.
But when he looks up, Jotaro's eyes — soft and so very green — are waiting for him.]
Yeah. I do, too — I, I love you, too.
[It feels kind of — well. Hopefully Adrian will know that he's not just echoing the sentiment for the sake of saying it. He must know how deep of a truth it is. It's just...the right time to say it, after all.]
If...if I touch you, I — I want to touch you. But I don't want to remind you of what happened. I don't know...how to fix that.
[Despite everything, hearing it back from Jotaro means everything. The actions have told him enough, but truly hearing it makes him smile through leftover tears, and he presses his forehead against Jotaro's.]
You can touch me. Just... be careful. Don't be rough. And you haven't been, so it's fine.
Some people would laugh. A guy like me, trying not to be rough, I mean.
[He strokes his hand through Adrian's hair, again and again. He still hates the thought of what was done to him, still wants to lash out at something for it. But never Adrian, not his precious, yearning Adrian.]
C'mere. Come lie down with me.
[He pauses, then flushes slightly as he breathes a ragged laugh.]
Sorry, it's just — if you keep sitting on me, I might go crazy.
[Once they're lying together, he moves slowly to wrap his arms around Adrian, pulling him against his chest and guiding him to tuck his head beneath his chin, close so that he can listen to his heartbeat.]
I'm...I, I'd rather know. I'm glad you told me. All this time, I felt...I dunno. Far away from you. But now I feel close again. That's more important to me than sex. There'll be other moments.
[The sound of Jotaro's heart does well to bring Adrian a peace of mind. He sighs softly, closing his eyes and draping an arm around Jotaro's waist.]
It was never my lack of trust in you. It was-- I wanted to be worthy of you again. Foolish, I know, but I didn't know where to begin in telling you the truth.
Something like that is none of my business anyway. Not until you think it's my business. I don't get to just...force answers out of you.
[He was so lonely, and they made him forget that he was loved, and some bastards took advantage of that. Took advantage of him. And Adrian's memory for trauma is always sharp and always long.
Sypha hurt him with words once, carelessly, and Adrian has never forgotten it, even now. And now he's been hurt again, this time physically, this time with intent. This isn't going to go away, either.
But at least now he knows. At least now he can be aware of it, and be careful. And maybe someday Adrian will feel safe again.]
...But. I, uh. I did try to figure it out myself, a little. When I first came to visit, back when Iris started. I...saw your wrists.
[Ah. Of course. Jotaro has always been clever, figuring out things on his own. Noticing details that others would not.]
Nothing escapes you, evidently. [He teases gently.] I should have known you'd have noticed. I should... be able to heal from it, but I actually don't know why it's taking so long. I was even able to heal from Trevor's consecrated whip.
[Well. With the following confession, that makes more sense. Adrian has to pull back and look up, golden eyes wide and curious, then he can't help but laugh softly.]
Of course. Trevor.
...You reached out to him, then. [It's not accusatory, just observing.]
[He sighs, lightly bumping their foreheads together.]
You heal so fast, I knew it had to be something really bad. You wouldn't still have marks like that if it were something normal. So, I figured it had to be a vampire thing. And usually I ask you about vampire things, but I couldn't do that, so...
[He shrugs a little.]
He figured out it was something out of the hold. Then it was just...how do we fix it. Apparently you fix it with fucked-up Belmont medicine.
No, that does make sense. ...For all that I mock him and his understanding of vampires, he certainly knows how our biology certainly works. Even if it's stranger to deal with one who is half.
[He strokes down Jotaro's cheek.]
I appreciate you thinking of me. Though I am sorry to have worried you so.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Something coiled around him, he thinks with slow-simmering ire, while his eyes track over the curving marks and start to put together the pieces of the ugly puzzle they make. Something...something that wrapped around and around, like a snare, like a trap...
It's everything he can do not to bare his teeth. In that moment, the wolf in him is in complete agreement with his own opinion, and both of them are furious at the sight.
But that small part of him knows better. Knows, suddenly, why Adrian avoided him, just like he's hiding his face from him now. He's afraid of what he'll say. And that — that is the only thing, right now, that's keeping him on his leash.]
Who did this to you...?
[He doesn't expect an answer, really. He props himself up on one arm instead, bringing the other hand to rest tentatively over Adrian's hip, amid a patch of unbroken skin. Reassuring, or so he hopes.]
Adrian...
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[There's a moment where he shudders, squeezing his eyes shut, trying not to cry in this moment. It's such poor timing, this is terrible, they were... they were supposed to just have a nice time with each other. Just be intimate with someone he loves, someone who loves him, he's safe, why is he like this?
He quivers and reaches down for one of Jotaro's hands, desperate for him. It comes out like a broken dam before he can even think of stopping himself, holding back after so long.]
I was drawn back into Wallachia, somehow. I'm not sure how, but it seems to be a possibility with others. I was there for a month, and... there were two people that arrived. I--
I couldn't remember you or anyone else here. I'm sorry. I was lonely, and I thought I could be close to them, but they found some sort of trap from the Belmont hold and used it on me. They-- they started to be intimate with me to trick me and I had to--
[He can't finish. He covers his face with his other hand, trying to cover his misery and tears.]
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Recognition slams down on him, his blood running cold as ice. There's so much about what Adrian describes, one gutpunch after another, that by the time his voice cracks, Jotaro's eyes are wide with the horror he can't shake.
He knew — he knew it must've been something bad, but —
The fucking moon gods sent him home and he didn't know.
Adrian went back to the bitter loneliness he'd left behind when he first came here, and he didn't know.
He couldn't remember anything about this. About being here.
Someone took advantage of him.
Someone took advantage of him.
They went in Trevor's fucking family hold and they found something to kill vampires and they tricked him, they seduced him, they took advantage of his terrible loneliness and his desperation to be accepted and they let that blind him, used it to make him let his guard down so that they could get away with binding him and —
It startles him, when he blinks and all of a sudden his own world has gone blurred. His eyes are hot. Wet. When did that happen?]
Oh, fuck, Adrian...
[He laces their fingers together, squeezes his hand tight. He doesn't even know if Adrian wants to be touched right now, for all that he wants so desperately to hold him.]
Hey...hey...
[Fuck, fuck, what the hell do you even say to something like this? Would someone good with words even know?]
Adrian, it wasn't your fault. None of it is your fault, you — you, hey, c'mon...
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I killed them and I betrayed you without realizing it.
[And that hurts him too. That he'd forgotten Jotaro, that he carried on his misery without knowing there was someone for him after all. It wasn't just that he had been taken advantage of, that he'd been hurt, but on top of all of that he wasn't faithful and he hates that too.
Slowly, he crumples, pressing his forehead against Jotaro's shoulder.]
I'm sorry.
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[Slowly, cautiously, he wraps his arms around Adrian as gently as he can, bringing him along in the cradle of his arms as he lies back down onto the mattress. Ironic, isn't it. He's gotten his wish in the worst possible way, wanting his world to be nothing but Adrian for a while.
He just wishes there weren't the tears. The sorrow. The anguish.]
Adrian...I won't even be born for half a century. You —
[Wait. Wait, that's not even the point at all, is it? He's grasping for the easy answers, subconsciously, because he's so afraid of fucking up the hard ones.]
...They hurt you. They were hurting you, you did what you had to.
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[Then again, he didn't even have his ring with him then, somehow. Yet he still can't help but feel like he's done wrong by Jotaro, done to himself, did he deserve this for what he did to Dracula? His own father?
He shudders, letting himself sink his weight against Jotaro. He's ruined so much, he feels like. He's ruined this moment, it was supposed to be fine.]
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[Inch by inch, he closes his arms around Adrian more securely, holding him close and tight against his chest. Then, gradually, he slides one hand up his back, tucking against the nape of his neck and raking through his hair.
All of a sudden it makes a terrible sense. Why Adrian didn't want to see him. Why he's been so withdrawn, so shy. He's ashamed, he's traumatized. But maybe worst of all, he feels guilty. Like he should've been better, and as usual, he wasn't enough.]
You haven't betrayed me. I'm...
[He closes his eyes, releasing a breath.]
You...still trust me, right?
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When Jotaro speaks, he manages to wipe his eyes, still unsure about looking at him in the face.]
I do. Of course I do.
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[He strokes his hand through Adrian's hair, again and again, petting him with as much tenderness as he can.]
I'm yours. I am. Nothing's going to change that.
[He closes his eyes, searching desperately for words.]
I wish...I could just. Make it stop hurting, for you. Do something. Hit someone. Fix it.
You told me...it's normal to be haunted. That's what you said. [He lets out a faint huff, wry humor.] You also said you're terrible at asking for help when you need it.
But I'm going to help. I'm going to be here for you — keep being here for you. And...I promise it won't feel like this anymore, someday. It won't always be like this, Adrian. It'll get better. We'll...we'll be okay.
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I love you.
[His voice is soft and delicate, but he means it. Finally, he manages to lift his head enough to look at Jotaro in the eyes, even if he suddenly feels tired from spilling everything inside of him. He wants to think to himself if only he'd been stronger, but with Jotaro it's... okay to be weak sometimes.
And he'll be there. He's been here throughout everything.]
I don't know how to ask, or what to ask for, but... thank you. You've done so much for me already.
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But when he looks up, Jotaro's eyes — soft and so very green — are waiting for him.]
Yeah. I do, too — I, I love you, too.
[It feels kind of — well. Hopefully Adrian will know that he's not just echoing the sentiment for the sake of saying it. He must know how deep of a truth it is. It's just...the right time to say it, after all.]
If...if I touch you, I — I want to touch you. But I don't want to remind you of what happened. I don't know...how to fix that.
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You can touch me. Just... be careful. Don't be rough. And you haven't been, so it's fine.
Would you hold me?
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[He strokes his hand through Adrian's hair, again and again. He still hates the thought of what was done to him, still wants to lash out at something for it. But never Adrian, not his precious, yearning Adrian.]
C'mere. Come lie down with me.
[He pauses, then flushes slightly as he breathes a ragged laugh.]
Sorry, it's just — if you keep sitting on me, I might go crazy.
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[Ah. Right. The sudden interruption with his trauma. Adrian breathes in and shifts so he can curl up at Jotaro's side instead of sitting on him.]
...Sorry. For ruining the moment and all.
I did really want it. [Now, maybe not so much. But they can try again later.]
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[Once they're lying together, he moves slowly to wrap his arms around Adrian, pulling him against his chest and guiding him to tuck his head beneath his chin, close so that he can listen to his heartbeat.]
I'm...I, I'd rather know. I'm glad you told me. All this time, I felt...I dunno. Far away from you. But now I feel close again. That's more important to me than sex. There'll be other moments.
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It was never my lack of trust in you. It was-- I wanted to be worthy of you again. Foolish, I know, but I didn't know where to begin in telling you the truth.
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[He was so lonely, and they made him forget that he was loved, and some bastards took advantage of that. Took advantage of him. And Adrian's memory for trauma is always sharp and always long.
Sypha hurt him with words once, carelessly, and Adrian has never forgotten it, even now. And now he's been hurt again, this time physically, this time with intent. This isn't going to go away, either.
But at least now he knows. At least now he can be aware of it, and be careful. And maybe someday Adrian will feel safe again.]
...But. I, uh. I did try to figure it out myself, a little. When I first came to visit, back when Iris started. I...saw your wrists.
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[Ah. Of course. Jotaro has always been clever, figuring out things on his own. Noticing details that others would not.]
Nothing escapes you, evidently. [He teases gently.] I should have known you'd have noticed. I should... be able to heal from it, but I actually don't know why it's taking so long. I was even able to heal from Trevor's consecrated whip.
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[He ducks his head, pressing a kiss against Adrian's hair, and prepares himself for his own vaguely awkward confession.]
...Trevor's...going to make you some. Turns out you're the one thing he and I agree on.
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[Well. With the following confession, that makes more sense. Adrian has to pull back and look up, golden eyes wide and curious, then he can't help but laugh softly.]
Of course. Trevor.
...You reached out to him, then. [It's not accusatory, just observing.]
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[He sighs, lightly bumping their foreheads together.]
You heal so fast, I knew it had to be something really bad. You wouldn't still have marks like that if it were something normal. So, I figured it had to be a vampire thing. And usually I ask you about vampire things, but I couldn't do that, so...
[He shrugs a little.]
He figured out it was something out of the hold. Then it was just...how do we fix it. Apparently you fix it with fucked-up Belmont medicine.
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[He strokes down Jotaro's cheek.]
I appreciate you thinking of me. Though I am sorry to have worried you so.
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[He turns his head reflexively, catching Adrian's fingertips with his mouth and kissing softly against them.]
Do you want to try some of my blood? Or would that...are you not ready for that?
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...Not yet. As much as I crave you, I don't want to think about the smell of blood right now. But thank you.
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[His kisses trail gradually lower, down Adrian's fingers and into the crease of his palm, always gentle, always sweet.]
I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here when you think you can handle it.
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