...Then perhaps we should voice lingering doubts. Just in case.
[Adrian squeezes his hand, letting their fingers intertwine.]
I have loved before, but I have never loved so deeply before you. And I will continue to love you, even if we are separated. But I... refuse to end up anything like Father had.
Though there will always be the question on my mind that I cannot help -- am I enough? Not for anything you have done or said, but it's-- me. And I will wonder that too.
[Truthfully, Adrian has ever rarely felt like he was enough. He hadn't been enough for Dracula when he decided to wage war on humanity, nor enough for Trevor and Sypha to stay with him. Not enough for Taka and Sumi to trust him, to love him.
Jotaro's never given such an indication, and he does trust him, but those experiences have cut him deeply.]
You've been painting a lot more. It's good. There should be things you live for other than me. Things that make it worth getting up in the morning.
[It's strange, maybe. This isn't at all how he thought this night was going to end up, and yet...there's something oddly cathartic about this conversation. It's a sad conversation, and a frightening one, but it's better than pretending that separation isn't a possibility until long after it's too late.]
In my room, there's a book. A notebook. If I disappear, find it and read it. It's about you. And take all my clothes, if I even have any left that you haven't already stolen by then. And...
[He quiets.]
Remember...how much I liked being close to you. Remember that to me, you were always warm.
I'm still trying to find something that feels like it fits me. The art is fine enough. Perhaps I will find something that roots me better here.
[The sentiment is sweet. To find a book full of Jotaro's thoughts, the comfort of his clothing. His smell.]
Then I want you remember how you make me smile and laugh. Especially when you're being a bastard. [Wryly, he adds:] Shall I leave you poetry to find? Perhaps a treasure hunt, should I ever disappear.
But know this: even if I do leave Lunatia in some way, I will always do everything I can to find you again. Hell knows I've the time.
You were pretty good at scooping ice cream. Maybe your roots are in customer service.
[Speaking of setting out to make him smile and laugh.]
... Would you really do that for me? A treasure hunt sounds like...
[His face heats a little, but he lifts his head enough that he can regard Adrian seriously through soft green eyes.]
You'd get to say goodbye in your own way, if you did that. You'd get to choose the last thing you said to me. Not just have it fall to chance. Please...?
[For the more serious topic, he watches Jotaro, a soft smile on his face.]
A treasure hunt for my balaur. It sounds very suitable.
I'd get to leave you clues and rude things to read. [Adrian leans down, kissing his forehead.] But maybe I'll say nice things as well in my notes for you.
I know you're being a bastard, but...hearing that — it makes me feel a lot calmer.
[He's tempted to settle back down into Adrian's lap again, being comfortable there was he was, but it turns out he decides he'd also like a kiss, so he moves to reach for that first.]
I don't want you to go without saying goodbye. I don't want you to go at all, but — you know what I mean.
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no subject
[Adrian squeezes his hand, letting their fingers intertwine.]
I have loved before, but I have never loved so deeply before you. And I will continue to love you, even if we are separated. But I... refuse to end up anything like Father had.
Though there will always be the question on my mind that I cannot help -- am I enough? Not for anything you have done or said, but it's-- me. And I will wonder that too.
[Truthfully, Adrian has ever rarely felt like he was enough. He hadn't been enough for Dracula when he decided to wage war on humanity, nor enough for Trevor and Sypha to stay with him. Not enough for Taka and Sumi to trust him, to love him.
Jotaro's never given such an indication, and he does trust him, but those experiences have cut him deeply.]
no subject
[It's strange, maybe. This isn't at all how he thought this night was going to end up, and yet...there's something oddly cathartic about this conversation. It's a sad conversation, and a frightening one, but it's better than pretending that separation isn't a possibility until long after it's too late.]
In my room, there's a book. A notebook. If I disappear, find it and read it. It's about you. And take all my clothes, if I even have any left that you haven't already stolen by then. And...
[He quiets.]
Remember...how much I liked being close to you. Remember that to me, you were always warm.
no subject
[The sentiment is sweet. To find a book full of Jotaro's thoughts, the comfort of his clothing. His smell.]
Then I want you remember how you make me smile and laugh. Especially when you're being a bastard. [Wryly, he adds:] Shall I leave you poetry to find? Perhaps a treasure hunt, should I ever disappear.
But know this: even if I do leave Lunatia in some way, I will always do everything I can to find you again. Hell knows I've the time.
no subject
[Speaking of setting out to make him smile and laugh.]
... Would you really do that for me? A treasure hunt sounds like...
[His face heats a little, but he lifts his head enough that he can regard Adrian seriously through soft green eyes.]
You'd get to say goodbye in your own way, if you did that. You'd get to choose the last thing you said to me. Not just have it fall to chance. Please...?
no subject
[For the more serious topic, he watches Jotaro, a soft smile on his face.]
A treasure hunt for my balaur. It sounds very suitable.
I'd get to leave you clues and rude things to read. [Adrian leans down, kissing his forehead.] But maybe I'll say nice things as well in my notes for you.
no subject
[He's tempted to settle back down into Adrian's lap again, being comfortable there was he was, but it turns out he decides he'd also like a kiss, so he moves to reach for that first.]
I don't want you to go without saying goodbye. I don't want you to go at all, but — you know what I mean.