A big puppy. He really is. [ He chuckles at that. It's fond. Warm, in a way he can't really manage otherwise. ] He'd fuss over us, you know, when any of us were hurt. It was sweet.
[ He gives it some thought. ]
Let him be if he's just minding his own business? In that case, it's probably him. If he's bothering you or causing trouble, that's more of me.
[ It sounds so weird. Language isn't really built for communicating the experience of being two separate people at once ]
I haven’t seen much of him, honestly. He showed up once, when I was sick, but he was on the other side of a door.
[ If it sounds like he’s trying not to think about that too much that’s because he is absolutely trying not to think about that too much. Star is just trying to give him space, nothing more. ]
Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually. Be one of those nice convenient dead people who just wants all the alive people to be safe and happy. Get you to teach me a lesson or two about developing a half-decent martyr complex, Mr. ‘I’ll be miserable and alone if he wants it’.
[ There’s a rustle from the kitchen. Hierophant has been done with cleaning the pan for a while now and fallen dormant, but it’s active again now. It digs around in the bag to retrieve a tube of paint.
It drops it on the table, next to the mug. ]
If it eases your mind, I wasn’t intending to pursue him. Even before I knew about you. He deserves better than being stuck with some dead boy out of guilt. And I- probably don’t deserve better than a tragic ongoing ‘sorry you’re dead’ pity fuck, but that doesn’t mean I’ll settle for it. I think I’ll be happy for you, once I figure all of this out.
Kakyoin, I wasn't particularly concerned about that. Nor do I consider you a rival or some other notion as such. My concerns are more deeply ingrained than whatever passing knowledge I have of you.
[He wonders... should he say his intentions? No, not until he knows more. Not until he has more information, that it's even plausible from here, but--]
We're in a similar position in any case. I'm not even from your world or time. One day, I might have to say good-bye to him, and I will never be prepared for that.
We're both going to leave him alone, sooner or later.
[ He doesn't mean to say that. He never says things he doesn't intend to say but those words sneak up and compress themselves into thin little worms to fit between the cracks in his lips the way Hierophant crawls into small spaces. ]
-That was needlessly grim. I apologise. I apologise for a lot. You've been more patient with me than I deserve.
I wish I knew what it was I needed. But you seem to have given it to me, and you didn't have to.
[ It's strange, hearing Adrian call Jotaro by that nickname. They seem to have gone in opposite directions - Adrian using it as a term of endearment where he stopped using the nickname in favour if his given name over time. Little differences. Their own ways of finding comfortable places for his name inside them. ]
He can make the hot chocolate, by the way. If you give him the ingredients. It won't bother me. I've been cooking with him all my life, he can practically do it without any input from me at all.
Please do. You're making it very difficult to hate you. It's frustrating.
[ It's not entirely clear whether that was intended to be a joke. ]
I should probably head back before long. I'm trying not to worry him too much, and that probably does involve not spending too much time wandering off to places I'm intending to be secretive about.
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[ He gives it some thought. ]
Let him be if he's just minding his own business? In that case, it's probably him. If he's bothering you or causing trouble, that's more of me.
[ It sounds so weird. Language isn't really built for communicating the experience of being two separate people at once ]
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[There's a soft snort of amusement.] Oh, I know it'll be you. I can't imagine it any other way.
But that's fine by me. If you need to escape for awhile, I understand.
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[ If it sounds like he’s trying not to think about that too much that’s because he is absolutely trying not to think about that too much. Star is just trying to give him space, nothing more. ]
Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually. Be one of those nice convenient dead people who just wants all the alive people to be safe and happy. Get you to teach me a lesson or two about developing a half-decent martyr complex, Mr. ‘I’ll be miserable and alone if he wants it’.
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[He scoffs. Don't doubt how deep his martyr complex can go!!]
I've no lessons to share. But I want nothing more than to make him happy. ...He saved my life. I owe him much.
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[ There’s a rustle from the kitchen. Hierophant has been done with cleaning the pan for a while now and fallen dormant, but it’s active again now. It digs around in the bag to retrieve a tube of paint.
It drops it on the table, next to the mug. ]
If it eases your mind, I wasn’t intending to pursue him. Even before I knew about you. He deserves better than being stuck with some dead boy out of guilt. And I- probably don’t deserve better than a tragic ongoing ‘sorry you’re dead’ pity fuck, but that doesn’t mean I’ll settle for it. I think I’ll be happy for you, once I figure all of this out.
no subject
[He wonders... should he say his intentions? No, not until he knows more. Not until he has more information, that it's even plausible from here, but--]
We're in a similar position in any case. I'm not even from your world or time. One day, I might have to say good-bye to him, and I will never be prepared for that.
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[ He doesn't mean to say that. He never says things he doesn't intend to say but those words sneak up and compress themselves into thin little worms to fit between the cracks in his lips the way Hierophant crawls into small spaces. ]
-That was needlessly grim. I apologise. I apologise for a lot. You've been more patient with me than I deserve.
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[Adrian smiles faintly, but there is a tinge of bittersweet to it.]
That's difficult to say. I feel like it was the exact amount of patience you needed, all things considered.
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[ It's strange, hearing Adrian call Jotaro by that nickname. They seem to have gone in opposite directions - Adrian using it as a term of endearment where he stopped using the nickname in favour if his given name over time. Little differences. Their own ways of finding comfortable places for his name inside them. ]
He can make the hot chocolate, by the way. If you give him the ingredients. It won't bother me. I've been cooking with him all my life, he can practically do it without any input from me at all.
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[It's said wryly, but who is to say how he'll act then? Still, he finds less reasons to really begrudge Kakyoin.]
I suppose I'll have to keep them handy for when he visits, then.
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[ It's not entirely clear whether that was intended to be a joke. ]
I should probably head back before long. I'm trying not to worry him too much, and that probably does involve not spending too much time wandering off to places I'm intending to be secretive about.
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[Adrian opts to treat it more or less as a joke.]
No, I understand. Thank you for coming by and speaking to me.