[D looks over Alucard's face with his dark eyes without saying anything for a moment or two. Perhaps misfortune follows Alucard as much as it follows him.]
You are doing what you can. The Vakdir you killed were armed, and they made the first attack. Even taking precautions, their deaths may have happened regardless.
This mission is not an easy one. Some of us may not survive either.
When you fight, you are afraid. [It sounds somewhat harsh, but D doesn't deliver it harshly.] Not for yourself.
You go into a battle fearing for others. It's why I work alone.
[But D understand. Even trying his damndest to work alone, frequently he ends up having to watch for the well-being of others. What a curse their mothers have given them, the empathy for others' lives.]
[He doesn't feel as though he should explain much else. True, it is highly attributed to how he dimly cares for others even when he is sometimes reluctant to do so; his impulsiveness to prevent death of the innocent and comrade alike.]
No.
But it isn't in us to stand and do nothing, is it?
[Ultimately, whatever little good he can do here only amounts to the importance of when he inevitably must return to Wallachia. The words don't feel empty, but it's also a half-truth.]
[D is quiet, but his gaze doesn't break away from Alucard. It's not a wrong assessment. The two of them just can't keep their fingers out of the business of humans. They're half human, too.]
Keep it until the end of the mission.
[Alucard may need it more than he would. Besides, he could rig another for himself if it came down to it.
Briefly, he glances toward the door, but it seems as if the Vakdir are taking their time. He hasn't heard a knock on any other doors, so likely they aren't being singled out. After the broadcast, it could be precautionary measures in the area.]
[Alucard is careful to wear the amulet, as if it were so fragile that it would shatter if he breathed upon it wrong. He'll make sure it's back in D's hands at the end of the mission.]
If you are certain.
[He pauses, listening, his hearing just as keen as the other dhampir's. Curiously, he tilts his head, admittedly relieved that he hadn't indeed endangered the lot of them with his actions.]
You take great care to look after me.
[There is the unasked question. He wonders why, sometimes.
[D is aware of the question, and he's sure that Alucard realizes he knows it's there, too. Again, he's quiet for a long time in his darkly silent way, eyes never leaving Alucard despite.
So far, he's received quite a bit of hell from Left Hand. Between Alucard and Violet, there's ample supply of fuel for teasing: proteges; lovers; love letters; siblings; friendship, a favorite.]
Your Hunter and your Speaker would be lacking if you didn't return.
[In a way, it is sweet; in retrospect, in some terribly strange way, D is the closest thing he has left of family, even if in that it's not quite right either.
What a shame that, too, won't be for long, but he'll take it as much as he can.]
[Patiently, he waits for Left Hand to have something sarcastic to say, but the parasite doesn't speak. Shocking. It could be Left Hand just doesn't want to get involved on account of D, but it could also be Alucard got, you could say, the upper-hand. In that case, D will surely hear a bunch of complaints later.
[Ironically, D is rather appreciative of the fact Alucard hasn't hardened yet against the injustice of living the life of a dhampir. He supposes it's the youth, but regardless, there's something both refreshing and pitying about it.]
That isn't something I'm able to have. I'm a dhampir. The only life I can have is a Hunter's life.
[He wants to argue, but Alucard feels that it would be hypocritical to do that. Alucard remembers the question D asked him, what he would do after his father is slain.
He'd been vague then. It's not worth mentioning now, but he knows that he doesn't really disagree.
As if it aches, Alucard curls his fingers against his chest, feeling the barest hint of raised skin from the scar that'd formed from his father's hand.]
I don't know your world. You may still be able to have a normal life. [Though it doesn't sound much like it, not when even his mother was killed by her own kind of people.
That happened on the Frontier, too, however. Humans killing humans out of fear, greed, envy.] But I can't.
Humans don't trust dhampirs; the Nobility scorn and envy them; mutants see them only as Hunters or masters.
What is normal for us, D. [It's not a question, because Alucard knows that it's there isn't really a sense of normalcy for either of them. Just survival.]
[D is quiet for a long time. At first, he thought he would be quick to answer no. Truthfully, right now, it is no, and yet, in the future it might not be no. It will always be no on the grounds he thinks there is nothing for him anywhere else.
But when the Sacred Ancestor tires of the humans of Earth, will he travel through the stars to find others for the perfect being? Perhaps D will leave then.]
Not right now. There is something I still have to do. [A pause.] Would you leave yours?
Would things be any different elsewhere? Individuals can have such care in their hearts, but it is groups of people who have the capacity of cruelty, despair, and distrust. There would be little else to keep me there save for the duty that remains for me.
[don't deny your dirty drunk boyfriend your eternal commitment, adrian]
And here? You've been with Hathaway for some time. [It sounds less like he's trying to convince Alucard and more like he's trying to see what Alucard will say.] After you do what you set out to do, they may accept you back.
[Not having an answer for him is apparently better than having one. It's good Alucard can acknowledge the uncertainty of the future.
And yet, D is at a loss for any kind of advice. He doesn't think he owes it to Alucard, of all people, and he's too use to being able to fall back on reminding humans that have a chance to be free of burden, "normal," to live and die. Alucard is not so simple.]
You have few options. If you don't return here, you will have to take your father's place. Otherwise, what's left for you is the life of a Hunter.
Do you think you can find companionship and keep it? You want it so badly for me, but is it really that you want it for yourself?
[Taking his father's place. To do what, rule what remains of beasts who linger in the night? They would look at Alucard as a traitor, at best.
What an idea, living as a Hunter. No, if Trevor can continue the Belmont line, then there is no need for him.
Suddenly, he feels tired and likely looks it upon the last question.]
Barely a year ago, my mother was executed wrongfully and my father nearly killed me. Is it so odd to desire it?
Yet, I know it is impossible. There is nothing that would last. My time in Hathaway is a mixed blessing, to experience companionship that I will never have elsewhere for but a shred of time.
[D finds he doesn't have any up-lifting words for Alucard's worries. He can't be so firm about his own solitude and separation when Alucard is crafted of the same fabric.
He also can't lie and say being a dhampir won't always be an existence of suffering from all sides.
The Guild accepts them for who they are--mostly--but the friendships are fragile and fleeting. It's not any different than the many humans he's watched go into the goodness of death. They come, and they go.]
We both know what it means to be this. Never quite fitting in to either side, never quite beastly enough, never quite human enough. I knew this. I still do.
[The apology isn't terrible, but it's barely a bandage. They both know there isn't much for them.]
I was not truthful to you before. When you asked me what I would do after I kill my father.
You say there are two options -- to take his place, or to become a Hunter, like you. After I slay him, I will return to sleep. Infinitely.
[D's face doesn't change from its usual stoic look. Whatever he feels at the news, it doesn't come to his face.
But his eyes do lower briefly beneath the heavy lashes, and then they looks back up.]
When the Nobles began to decrease in number on the Frontier, many of them fled to space in the ships built into their castles. Others chose to sleep for eternity deep beneath the surface. They're still there, somewhere, on the Frontier. Sleeping endlessly.
[It feels like running away. Hiding. D doesn't know if he abhors the idea or envies it greatly. Once he's finished with his own quest, what will he do except chase the last few vampires left? There'll soon be no use for Hunters much less dhampirs.]
[It's difficult to know what D may be thinking. The subtle expressions he have can tell all Alucard needs or wants to know. Right now, he isn't sure of D's thoughts.
It's frustrating, but then, D doesn't owe him anything.]
They know there is nothing left for them, then. They escape their inevitable end.
For me, all I could want will either be beyond my reach or will be left in the ashes.
You said you couldn't know the future. Perhaps you will change your mind once you go back.
[His dark eyes study Alucard's face.]
There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. The life of a dhampir isn't anything but being alone. [He's quiet for a moment. It feels strange to be so personable, but he can't think of any other way to say it for it may not apply to Alucard at all.] I don't have to be lonely.
The people I have met and helped, the ones I have saved from the Nobility, the places I have traveled... Even if I am alone, knowing they are there keeps me from being lonely.
I will stay awake until the day I, too, am hunted. So that I can continue to see what the humans do with the world they have taken back.
[It's the only way he knows to say, "You should, too," without forcing Alucard's decision.]
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You are doing what you can. The Vakdir you killed were armed, and they made the first attack. Even taking precautions, their deaths may have happened regardless.
This mission is not an easy one. Some of us may not survive either.
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Nothing is forever. The lives of enemies or friends alike.
I still must think beyond myself and adapt better to these worlds.
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You go into a battle fearing for others. It's why I work alone.
[But D understand. Even trying his damndest to work alone, frequently he ends up having to watch for the well-being of others. What a curse their mothers have given them, the empathy for others' lives.]
Dhampirs don't get to be saviors.
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[He doesn't feel as though he should explain much else. True, it is highly attributed to how he dimly cares for others even when he is sometimes reluctant to do so; his impulsiveness to prevent death of the innocent and comrade alike.]
No.
But it isn't in us to stand and do nothing, is it?
[Ultimately, whatever little good he can do here only amounts to the importance of when he inevitably must return to Wallachia. The words don't feel empty, but it's also a half-truth.]
no subject
Keep it until the end of the mission.
[Alucard may need it more than he would. Besides, he could rig another for himself if it came down to it.
Briefly, he glances toward the door, but it seems as if the Vakdir are taking their time. He hasn't heard a knock on any other doors, so likely they aren't being singled out. After the broadcast, it could be precautionary measures in the area.]
no subject
If you are certain.
[He pauses, listening, his hearing just as keen as the other dhampir's. Curiously, he tilts his head, admittedly relieved that he hadn't indeed endangered the lot of them with his actions.]
You take great care to look after me.
[There is the unasked question. He wonders why, sometimes.
Perhaps D truly is softer than he appears.]
no subject
So far, he's received quite a bit of hell from Left Hand. Between Alucard and Violet, there's ample supply of fuel for teasing: proteges; lovers; love letters; siblings; friendship, a favorite.]
Your Hunter and your Speaker would be lacking if you didn't return.
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What a shame that, too, won't be for long, but he'll take it as much as he can.]
And who is there to look after you? Your hand?
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Just barely, one corner of his mouth turns up.]
If I have no one, would that upset you?
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How could it not? You are worn by the life you have lived, not heartless. I would wish you to have companionship, if it were possible.
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That isn't something I'm able to have. I'm a dhampir. The only life I can have is a Hunter's life.
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He'd been vague then. It's not worth mentioning now, but he knows that he doesn't really disagree.
As if it aches, Alucard curls his fingers against his chest, feeling the barest hint of raised skin from the scar that'd formed from his father's hand.]
I only wish it were different.
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That happened on the Frontier, too, however. Humans killing humans out of fear, greed, envy.] But I can't.
Humans don't trust dhampirs; the Nobility scorn and envy them; mutants see them only as Hunters or masters.
[What is left for him then?]
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It would be little different in Wallachia.
But if you could leave your world, would you?
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But when the Sacred Ancestor tires of the humans of Earth, will he travel through the stars to find others for the perfect being? Perhaps D will leave then.]
Not right now. There is something I still have to do. [A pause.] Would you leave yours?
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Would things be any different elsewhere? Individuals can have such care in their hearts, but it is groups of people who have the capacity of cruelty, despair, and distrust. There would be little else to keep me there save for the duty that remains for me.
I suppose it doesn't truly matter.
no subject
And here? You've been with Hathaway for some time. [It sounds less like he's trying to convince Alucard and more like he's trying to see what Alucard will say.] After you do what you set out to do, they may accept you back.
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And is that what you would do?
[He sighs.] It's difficult to say this without knowing how the future will unfold. I cannot give you an answer.
alba i fucking hate you every time!!!
And yet, D is at a loss for any kind of advice. He doesn't think he owes it to Alucard, of all people, and he's too use to being able to fall back on reminding humans that have a chance to be free of burden, "normal," to live and die. Alucard is not so simple.]
You have few options. If you don't return here, you will have to take your father's place. Otherwise, what's left for you is the life of a Hunter.
Do you think you can find companionship and keep it? You want it so badly for me, but is it really that you want it for yourself?
[It's genuine questions.]
huehuehue!!!!
What an idea, living as a Hunter. No, if Trevor can continue the Belmont line, then there is no need for him.
Suddenly, he feels tired and likely looks it upon the last question.]
Barely a year ago, my mother was executed wrongfully and my father nearly killed me. Is it so odd to desire it?
Yet, I know it is impossible. There is nothing that would last. My time in Hathaway is a mixed blessing, to experience companionship that I will never have elsewhere for but a shred of time.
So no, I don't think I could.
no subject
He also can't lie and say being a dhampir won't always be an existence of suffering from all sides.
The Guild accepts them for who they are--mostly--but the friendships are fragile and fleeting. It's not any different than the many humans he's watched go into the goodness of death. They come, and they go.]
I'm sorry, Adrian.
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[The apology isn't terrible, but it's barely a bandage. They both know there isn't much for them.]
I was not truthful to you before. When you asked me what I would do after I kill my father.
You say there are two options -- to take his place, or to become a Hunter, like you. After I slay him, I will return to sleep. Infinitely.
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But his eyes do lower briefly beneath the heavy lashes, and then they looks back up.]
When the Nobles began to decrease in number on the Frontier, many of them fled to space in the ships built into their castles. Others chose to sleep for eternity deep beneath the surface. They're still there, somewhere, on the Frontier. Sleeping endlessly.
[It feels like running away. Hiding. D doesn't know if he abhors the idea or envies it greatly. Once he's finished with his own quest, what will he do except chase the last few vampires left? There'll soon be no use for Hunters much less dhampirs.]
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It's frustrating, but then, D doesn't owe him anything.]
They know there is nothing left for them, then. They escape their inevitable end.
For me, all I could want will either be beyond my reach or will be left in the ashes.
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[His dark eyes study Alucard's face.]
There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. The life of a dhampir isn't anything but being alone. [He's quiet for a moment. It feels strange to be so personable, but he can't think of any other way to say it for it may not apply to Alucard at all.] I don't have to be lonely.
The people I have met and helped, the ones I have saved from the Nobility, the places I have traveled... Even if I am alone, knowing they are there keeps me from being lonely.
I will stay awake until the day I, too, am hunted. So that I can continue to see what the humans do with the world they have taken back.
[It's the only way he knows to say, "You should, too," without forcing Alucard's decision.]
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