[Adrian enters quietly, minding himself. Normally, he's glad to have Alucard's company. Not that he isn't right now, but he knows that he didn't react well before, and now Alucard is... trying. Trying to bridge something.]
[ alucard is, well, a little wary, after how adrian had reacted before, but he also hadn't known why, and adrian has been kind enough that he knows there must be a reason--
--he nods slightly, shutting the door and moving in to sit on the couch, carefully picking baskerville up and holding the sleeping dog in his lap. ]
I try not to lie about anything, but it's so difficult to not pretend to be alright. Or at least better than I am.
[ a shrug. ]
It's tiring, though. I don't know how else to describe it.
[Slowly, he sits down on the couch, but makes sure that Alucard has room for himself. Adrian doesn't find himself wanting to make any assumptions.]
I understand, to a degree. Though I've not had the centuries of experience you have had. I still shouldn't have reacted in a way.
My father-- the Dracula I knew, the one who raised me. I loved him. He was good to Mother and me. But you can imagine... how well the Church took to a woman who studied science and was a doctor. Do you remember those years? 1475.
In 1455, Lisa from the village of Lupu would find Dracula, knock on his door, and demand that he teach her the true science so she could be a real doctor. They would eventually fall in love, and then there would be their son.
While my father was traveling the world at my mother's behest, the Church would find her and charge as a witch who married the Devil. Then, they executed her, burning her at the stake.
Father went mad from grief, declared war on humanity. [Adrian faintly tugs down the front of his shirt to show part of his scar.] I tried to convince him to only take revenge on those that executed her. This is the result of his disagreement, which forced me to sleep for a year to recover.
In truth, my father... he wanted to die. By killing all of the humans, vampires would perish with them inevitably. So either he would succeed in a long, drawn out, messy affair of a one-sided war, or someone would come to stop him.
And so it was that Trevor, Sypha, and myself would work together.
Unfortunately, I'm the one who gave him the killing blow, a proper stake to the heart.
So I could not-- [Adrian grits his teeth.] I took it personally with you when I shouldn't have. Dracula wanting to die.
[ even though it's not his fault, he feels cowed. perhaps he should: what right does he have to be so fucking flippant about it in the first place? so what, he's tired. so fucking what. he brought it on himself.
there's a moment where alucard just sits quietly. he doesn't know what to say. it's so vastly different from his own life, but he can't say that he wouldn't have done the same. finally, at length, he manages: ]
I cannot say that I don't understand his wishes. If--if something happened to Integra, though she is my master and not my wife, I would raze the Earth for her. In her name. There would be no depth to my anger, my sorrow. But in the same moment, I also understand the pain it would cause.
[ he licks his lips, frowning, and looks away. ]
I'm sorry that you had to suffer that. No one should have to. I'm--trying to get better, here, to not ache for the quiet, but it's difficult.
I still think about it. Being forced to kill my own father. I don't... [Adrian looks away.] There are days I am tempted to sleep my days away. I almost did in Wallachia, until Trevor told me not to. I'd have made my father's castle my own eternal tomb if he hadn't said anything.
[Adrian hesitates, then he finally reaches out to rest over Alucard's wrist.]
I shouldn't have been so flippant with you. But at the same time... I don't want for you to die. I know that's a bit selfish.
I can't blame you for wanting to sleep, but selfishly I'm glad you still wake. I suppose that makes both of us selfish.
[ he turns his hand slightly in response to adrian's touch, letting the pads of his fingers graze the palm of his hand. when he speaks, it's low. ]
I would do anything she asked of me, Adrian. My body, my soul, my heart, all belong to her. But this... I feel like it's a betrayal, like she's asking me to live on without her and suffer indefinitely. She can't free me, but--
[ he closes his eyes, trying to put what he wants into words. ]
Her father locked me in the basement for twenty years. At the time, I could have been sealed rationally, allowed to sleep in my coffin. He'd often done that previously.
[ usually he's so flippant about things like this. ]
He put me in a straitjacket. Without my coffin, without my dirt, without blood to sustain myself from. And because it couldn't physically hold me, he ordered me to stay still. Motionless, sleepless, aching. Twenty years of torture, because I couldn't disobey. He wouldn't even let me scream.
[ he smiles, a little self-depreciating. ]
Perhaps I deserved it, for my behavior after the war. I don't know. That said, the men that will inherit me will be even worse, and I don't look forward to it.
[ he looks down at his hand, brow furrowing. ]
If there were some way to break my seals, I could continue the work I do for Integra without their interference, without their torture. If I could finally be rid of them, I might feel comfortable surviving.
[He knows well of Alucard's dedication to Integra. How much he loves her, reveres her -- and undoubtedly suffers without her.
Slowly, Adrian squeezes his hand, gentle.
And when Integra passes on, what will there be for Alucard but pain? That, he can only imagine. For men to continue to use him, or seal him away.]
Then...
We should try to remove your seals. Or change them, at least.
[Adrian steels himself, frowning.]
It doesn't have to be just a desire. There are people in this city who are skilled in ways we aren't. Sypha is a powerful magician, Rosalind an incredible scientist-- Alucard, you don't have to be frightened of the future, understandable as it is.
We can make changes, and hell knows I've nothing but time.
[ slowly, carefully, alucard leans so that he can rest his cheek on adrian's shoulder. the touch is barely there, but it's still a thing that happens. he's considering what adrian says carefully. integra would tell him no: he's dangerous without seals, and even though he would follow her orders without them there's no guarantee but the word of a vampire king.
but integra isn't here to tell him no.
for once, that's a bonus. slowly, he smiles, eyes slipping closed. ]
We'd need both of them, at the very least. I don't think Sypha is very fond of me, but Rosalind will take up the project from scientific interest if nothing else. It's... both science and magic, because Abraham van Helsing was a hypocrite and dabbled in the occult when sealing and altering me. I suppose I can't blame him, since nothing else could.
[ he quiets though, briefly hesitant. ]
I'm dangerous, unsealed. Unspeakably so. I'm not as strong as I once was, not without the souls I kept within me, but it allows me...free reign, over my powers. I'm of the understanding that that's an uncomfortable thing for many people. Most, that know of me where I'm from.
[ wry. ]
The priest isn't opposed to my lacking seals, but he just wants to fight me at my strongest.
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no subject
[Adrian enters quietly, minding himself. Normally, he's glad to have Alucard's company. Not that he isn't right now, but he knows that he didn't react well before, and now Alucard is... trying. Trying to bridge something.]
Thank you, mostly, for reaching out to me.
I know it's not easy.
no subject
--he nods slightly, shutting the door and moving in to sit on the couch, carefully picking baskerville up and holding the sleeping dog in his lap. ]
I try not to lie about anything, but it's so difficult to not pretend to be alright. Or at least better than I am.
[ a shrug. ]
It's tiring, though. I don't know how else to describe it.
no subject
I understand, to a degree. Though I've not had the centuries of experience you have had. I still shouldn't have reacted in a way.
My father-- the Dracula I knew, the one who raised me. I loved him. He was good to Mother and me. But you can imagine... how well the Church took to a woman who studied science and was a doctor. Do you remember those years? 1475.
no subject
[ it's interesting to him, though, that adrian's father was already a vampire, then. he does some math, and then: ]
I was--still human, in 1475. The Turks killed me in the winter of 1476.
[ he says it softly, carefully. he wonders how different they really are.
but this is about adrian's story. ]
The church was not forgiving, nor understanding. Never was, but particularly not about things like that.
no subject
While my father was traveling the world at my mother's behest, the Church would find her and charge as a witch who married the Devil. Then, they executed her, burning her at the stake.
Father went mad from grief, declared war on humanity. [Adrian faintly tugs down the front of his shirt to show part of his scar.] I tried to convince him to only take revenge on those that executed her. This is the result of his disagreement, which forced me to sleep for a year to recover.
In truth, my father... he wanted to die. By killing all of the humans, vampires would perish with them inevitably. So either he would succeed in a long, drawn out, messy affair of a one-sided war, or someone would come to stop him.
And so it was that Trevor, Sypha, and myself would work together.
Unfortunately, I'm the one who gave him the killing blow, a proper stake to the heart.
So I could not-- [Adrian grits his teeth.] I took it personally with you when I shouldn't have. Dracula wanting to die.
no subject
there's a moment where alucard just sits quietly. he doesn't know what to say. it's so vastly different from his own life, but he can't say that he wouldn't have done the same. finally, at length, he manages: ]
I cannot say that I don't understand his wishes. If--if something happened to Integra, though she is my master and not my wife, I would raze the Earth for her. In her name. There would be no depth to my anger, my sorrow. But in the same moment, I also understand the pain it would cause.
[ he licks his lips, frowning, and looks away. ]
I'm sorry that you had to suffer that. No one should have to. I'm--trying to get better, here, to not ache for the quiet, but it's difficult.
no subject
[Adrian hesitates, then he finally reaches out to rest over Alucard's wrist.]
I shouldn't have been so flippant with you. But at the same time... I don't want for you to die. I know that's a bit selfish.
no subject
[ he turns his hand slightly in response to adrian's touch, letting the pads of his fingers graze the palm of his hand. when he speaks, it's low. ]
I would do anything she asked of me, Adrian. My body, my soul, my heart, all belong to her. But this... I feel like it's a betrayal, like she's asking me to live on without her and suffer indefinitely. She can't free me, but--
[ he closes his eyes, trying to put what he wants into words. ]
Her father locked me in the basement for twenty years. At the time, I could have been sealed rationally, allowed to sleep in my coffin. He'd often done that previously.
[ usually he's so flippant about things like this. ]
He put me in a straitjacket. Without my coffin, without my dirt, without blood to sustain myself from. And because it couldn't physically hold me, he ordered me to stay still. Motionless, sleepless, aching. Twenty years of torture, because I couldn't disobey. He wouldn't even let me scream.
[ he smiles, a little self-depreciating. ]
Perhaps I deserved it, for my behavior after the war. I don't know. That said, the men that will inherit me will be even worse, and I don't look forward to it.
[ he looks down at his hand, brow furrowing. ]
If there were some way to break my seals, I could continue the work I do for Integra without their interference, without their torture. If I could finally be rid of them, I might feel comfortable surviving.
no subject
Slowly, Adrian squeezes his hand, gentle.
And when Integra passes on, what will there be for Alucard but pain? That, he can only imagine. For men to continue to use him, or seal him away.]
Then...
We should try to remove your seals. Or change them, at least.
[Adrian steels himself, frowning.]
It doesn't have to be just a desire. There are people in this city who are skilled in ways we aren't. Sypha is a powerful magician, Rosalind an incredible scientist-- Alucard, you don't have to be frightened of the future, understandable as it is.
We can make changes, and hell knows I've nothing but time.
no subject
but integra isn't here to tell him no.
for once, that's a bonus. slowly, he smiles, eyes slipping closed. ]
We'd need both of them, at the very least. I don't think Sypha is very fond of me, but Rosalind will take up the project from scientific interest if nothing else. It's... both science and magic, because Abraham van Helsing was a hypocrite and dabbled in the occult when sealing and altering me. I suppose I can't blame him, since nothing else could.
[ he quiets though, briefly hesitant. ]
I'm dangerous, unsealed. Unspeakably so. I'm not as strong as I once was, not without the souls I kept within me, but it allows me...free reign, over my powers. I'm of the understanding that that's an uncomfortable thing for many people. Most, that know of me where I'm from.
[ wry. ]
The priest isn't opposed to my lacking seals, but he just wants to fight me at my strongest.