Oh, if I thought you were worth slaying I wouldn't waste your time with things that I know won't work. I'm afraid I might still disappoint you, though. I don't have the best record when it comes to vampires.
[ It's hard not to recognise the bitterness in Alucard's tone. It's not quite the same sort of bitterness as his own, but it's close. He doesn't know whether he wants to try to goad him or mollify him.
Jotaro loved someone because they were like him. That's- something to consider. Something that moves him feel like the crystal that is his insides has broken and all the jagged edges dug into the parts of him that still bleed. ]
I don't intend to interfere, if you were worried about that. If you hurt him, I'll- [ He sips the hot chocolate. It's a deliberate dramatic pause. ] -ask you to talk it out. Look for a couple's therapist, probably.
Don't worry. You're not the one I would worry about in terms of who could have the potential to kill me. Not for your lack of skill, but I'm aware of at least one particularly decent hunter in Lunatia.
[but hey we won't talk about Trevor Belmont because that'd be weird on multiple levels so]
If Jojo asked me to leave him be so he could be with you, I would let him. I would hate it with every bit of my being, but I would do it.
And I would never hurt him. So you won't need to be particularly concerned about that.
I don't want him to. I wouldn't want anything to do with him if he did.
[ He does. He wants it desperately, except for how doing that would make Jotaro a different person. He'd be the kind of person who just threw people away. And then he wouldn't be Jotaro. He doesn't want Jotaro to be the kind of asshole who'd discard someone for him. He's that kind of asshole. Jotaro needs to be the good one. ]
My standards aren't that low, you know.
[ Kakyoin you wanted to date Dio your standards are so low they've tunneled to the Lunatian version of Australia. ]
[Quietly, that surprises him, but he thinks he understands. It would say a lot about Jotaro's character then, but Jotaro never would. And it's not that he particularly even doubts Jotaro specifically, but he knows with his own issues, well. It's hard to not compare himself a bit to Kakyoin and wonder.]
I would have no idea about your standards, really. Other than you're a bit of a shit, a painter, and you make excellent hot cocoa.
If I wanted to be with the type of asshole who throws people away I'd at least find one who didn't make me look short.
[ He grumbles a little more under his breath about this hypothetical not-Jotaro who'd do this, and how much he wants that, and how little he wants that. ]
I'm not going to- I tried to fuck with you both before. That's why I went for the payne's grey. It was the one you used most in the painting at his place. And it felt like shit, and I'm not going to do it again. He's not going to just decide he wants rid of you. And I'm not going to get between you because I don't like feeling like that.
[It's still a bit odd that Jotaro is his exact height, honestly.]
He likes the ocean, so I try to make things he might enjoy. And he told me to paint more. [Though he should do more for himself, but it's still a struggle sometimes to be motivated for more than that.] I know he won't make that choice. Don't misunderstand.
If I may, what did you hope to accomplish by sending Hieorphant here?
[ He sighs, sitting down and putting down the hot chocolate. He's apparently decided that he's being honest with Adrian, and that's an exhausting prospect. But- in a roundabout way, if being honest with Adrian puts him at ease, then he can put Jotaro at ease. It'll make things better. ]
At first? I- don't really know. I wanted to make sure he was safe, when he came here, because until two weeks ago going anywhere alone was suicide and it's different here but it's still difficult. I think I wanted to know what kind of person he liked. I was angry. I don't know what I was angry at, but I decided it was you because you were there and I thought you couldn't see me. You were convenient.
Then I started coming here because I needed to be somewhere else. My head's all messed up but if I act like something's wrong, it'll fuck with him. I just- had a place here, by then. So I came here.
[There's a pause as he looks down into the remains of his hot chocolate. He'll certainly finish it, and he ponders for a moment. Kakyoin's anger, frustration, and venting are all understandable that he can't begrudge, and whatever feelings Adrian has? It has nothing to do really with either Kakyoin or Jotaro, but his own angst of actions past that no one can change. So he doesn't blame anyone for that, no one alive anyway.]
You still have a place, if you want. I didn't mind the company particularly, and Trevor certainly likes Hieorphant.
But if you come in person again, I think I might prefer you have a key first. [He says it wryly.] Hierophant makes a lock pointless, but I'd rather know it was you first. Or I might burst out from the shower again and make a fool of myself.
[ He sighs as if it's particularly troublesome to carry things in his pockets. ]
I'll just shout to let you know I'm arriving. It's- more comfortable to be Hierophant right now anyway. I just came in person today because Hierophant doesn't like talking.
Because it's polite and less likely for me to react violently.
[Down the line it probably won't matter when he gets used to the sounds Kakyoin makes.]
Mm. That'll work. Just let me know ahead of time.
...Does he speak? Star only seems to be able to make a noise. Granted, I've only ever seen three Stands before including yours and Star. The other was Avdol's.
Not for himself. Most stands can't, as far as I'm aware. I'm- not really sure what it would say about a person, if their stand could speak at length without their input. Avdol would know. He was always the one with an academic understanding of stands- I just know what I've learned from Hierophant.
[ Nobody tell him about Sex Pistols. ]
I can speak through him, but he doesn't like it. It makes him feel exposed if he's making noises.
[ Adrian means no longer here, physically. But there's a second meaning to that, isn't there? And he cares. And it hurts, But he doesn't feel the need to run away. He doesn't feel bile rising in his throat. He doesn't want to let Hierophant cocoon him in its threads and stick to some dark corner of a forgotten place and harden into crystal until he can emerge in some other skin. It just hurts. It's not dramatic. It's just sad.
He's selfish, isn't he? ]
It's a little complicated. He doesn't like being observed, but he's also me. And I- it makes me uneasy when people can't see him. We're one of those types of people, the two of us, who only really wants things that are the opposite of other things they want. We're difficult. I'm sure that you hadn't noticed yet.
Hm. No, I suppose so. It seems Stands have their own personalities made to reflect their users in some way. Star seems to express what Jojo is hesitant to. Kind of like a big puppy. Hierophant... I think he just wants to be ready to protect you. But that's purely based on observation.
[Adrian looks at his mug. It's terribly empty. Tragic.]
In any case, I just want to adhere to both of your preferences if possible.
A big puppy. He really is. [ He chuckles at that. It's fond. Warm, in a way he can't really manage otherwise. ] He'd fuss over us, you know, when any of us were hurt. It was sweet.
[ He gives it some thought. ]
Let him be if he's just minding his own business? In that case, it's probably him. If he's bothering you or causing trouble, that's more of me.
[ It sounds so weird. Language isn't really built for communicating the experience of being two separate people at once ]
I haven’t seen much of him, honestly. He showed up once, when I was sick, but he was on the other side of a door.
[ If it sounds like he’s trying not to think about that too much that’s because he is absolutely trying not to think about that too much. Star is just trying to give him space, nothing more. ]
Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually. Be one of those nice convenient dead people who just wants all the alive people to be safe and happy. Get you to teach me a lesson or two about developing a half-decent martyr complex, Mr. ‘I’ll be miserable and alone if he wants it’.
[ There’s a rustle from the kitchen. Hierophant has been done with cleaning the pan for a while now and fallen dormant, but it’s active again now. It digs around in the bag to retrieve a tube of paint.
It drops it on the table, next to the mug. ]
If it eases your mind, I wasn’t intending to pursue him. Even before I knew about you. He deserves better than being stuck with some dead boy out of guilt. And I- probably don’t deserve better than a tragic ongoing ‘sorry you’re dead’ pity fuck, but that doesn’t mean I’ll settle for it. I think I’ll be happy for you, once I figure all of this out.
Kakyoin, I wasn't particularly concerned about that. Nor do I consider you a rival or some other notion as such. My concerns are more deeply ingrained than whatever passing knowledge I have of you.
[He wonders... should he say his intentions? No, not until he knows more. Not until he has more information, that it's even plausible from here, but--]
We're in a similar position in any case. I'm not even from your world or time. One day, I might have to say good-bye to him, and I will never be prepared for that.
We're both going to leave him alone, sooner or later.
[ He doesn't mean to say that. He never says things he doesn't intend to say but those words sneak up and compress themselves into thin little worms to fit between the cracks in his lips the way Hierophant crawls into small spaces. ]
-That was needlessly grim. I apologise. I apologise for a lot. You've been more patient with me than I deserve.
I wish I knew what it was I needed. But you seem to have given it to me, and you didn't have to.
[ It's strange, hearing Adrian call Jotaro by that nickname. They seem to have gone in opposite directions - Adrian using it as a term of endearment where he stopped using the nickname in favour if his given name over time. Little differences. Their own ways of finding comfortable places for his name inside them. ]
He can make the hot chocolate, by the way. If you give him the ingredients. It won't bother me. I've been cooking with him all my life, he can practically do it without any input from me at all.
Please do. You're making it very difficult to hate you. It's frustrating.
[ It's not entirely clear whether that was intended to be a joke. ]
I should probably head back before long. I'm trying not to worry him too much, and that probably does involve not spending too much time wandering off to places I'm intending to be secretive about.
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[ It's hard not to recognise the bitterness in Alucard's tone. It's not quite the same sort of bitterness as his own, but it's close. He doesn't know whether he wants to try to goad him or mollify him.
Jotaro loved someone because they were like him. That's- something to consider. Something that moves him feel like the crystal that is his insides has broken and all the jagged edges dug into the parts of him that still bleed. ]
I don't intend to interfere, if you were worried about that. If you hurt him, I'll- [ He sips the hot chocolate. It's a deliberate dramatic pause. ] -ask you to talk it out. Look for a couple's therapist, probably.
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[but hey we won't talk about Trevor Belmont because that'd be weird on multiple levels so]
If Jojo asked me to leave him be so he could be with you, I would let him. I would hate it with every bit of my being, but I would do it.
And I would never hurt him. So you won't need to be particularly concerned about that.
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[ He does. He wants it desperately, except for how doing that would make Jotaro a different person. He'd be the kind of person who just threw people away. And then he wouldn't be Jotaro. He doesn't want Jotaro to be the kind of asshole who'd discard someone for him. He's that kind of asshole. Jotaro needs to be the good one. ]
My standards aren't that low, you know.
[ Kakyoin you wanted to date Dio your standards are so low they've tunneled to the Lunatian version of Australia. ]
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I would have no idea about your standards, really. Other than you're a bit of a shit, a painter, and you make excellent hot cocoa.
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[ He grumbles a little more under his breath about this hypothetical not-Jotaro who'd do this, and how much he wants that, and how little he wants that. ]
I'm not going to- I tried to fuck with you both before. That's why I went for the payne's grey. It was the one you used most in the painting at his place. And it felt like shit, and I'm not going to do it again. He's not going to just decide he wants rid of you. And I'm not going to get between you because I don't like feeling like that.
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[It's still a bit odd that Jotaro is his exact height, honestly.]
He likes the ocean, so I try to make things he might enjoy. And he told me to paint more. [Though he should do more for himself, but it's still a struggle sometimes to be motivated for more than that.] I know he won't make that choice. Don't misunderstand.
If I may, what did you hope to accomplish by sending Hieorphant here?
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At first? I- don't really know. I wanted to make sure he was safe, when he came here, because until two weeks ago going anywhere alone was suicide and it's different here but it's still difficult. I think I wanted to know what kind of person he liked. I was angry. I don't know what I was angry at, but I decided it was you because you were there and I thought you couldn't see me. You were convenient.
Then I started coming here because I needed to be somewhere else. My head's all messed up but if I act like something's wrong, it'll fuck with him. I just- had a place here, by then. So I came here.
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You still have a place, if you want. I didn't mind the company particularly, and Trevor certainly likes Hieorphant.
But if you come in person again, I think I might prefer you have a key first. [He says it wryly.] Hierophant makes a lock pointless, but I'd rather know it was you first. Or I might burst out from the shower again and make a fool of myself.
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[ He sighs as if it's particularly troublesome to carry things in his pockets. ]
I'll just shout to let you know I'm arriving. It's- more comfortable to be Hierophant right now anyway. I just came in person today because Hierophant doesn't like talking.
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[Down the line it probably won't matter when he gets used to the sounds Kakyoin makes.]
Mm. That'll work. Just let me know ahead of time.
...Does he speak? Star only seems to be able to make a noise. Granted, I've only ever seen three Stands before including yours and Star. The other was Avdol's.
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[ Nobody tell him about Sex Pistols. ]
I can speak through him, but he doesn't like it. It makes him feel exposed if he's making noises.
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[s o o n]
I understand. Would he feel more at ease if I didn't pay too much attention to him?
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[ Adrian means no longer here, physically. But there's a second meaning to that, isn't there? And he cares. And it hurts, But he doesn't feel the need to run away. He doesn't feel bile rising in his throat. He doesn't want to let Hierophant cocoon him in its threads and stick to some dark corner of a forgotten place and harden into crystal until he can emerge in some other skin. It just hurts. It's not dramatic. It's just sad.
He's selfish, isn't he? ]
It's a little complicated. He doesn't like being observed, but he's also me. And I- it makes me uneasy when people can't see him. We're one of those types of people, the two of us, who only really wants things that are the opposite of other things they want. We're difficult. I'm sure that you hadn't noticed yet.
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[Adrian looks at his mug. It's terribly empty. Tragic.]
In any case, I just want to adhere to both of your preferences if possible.
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[ He gives it some thought. ]
Let him be if he's just minding his own business? In that case, it's probably him. If he's bothering you or causing trouble, that's more of me.
[ It sounds so weird. Language isn't really built for communicating the experience of being two separate people at once ]
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[There's a soft snort of amusement.] Oh, I know it'll be you. I can't imagine it any other way.
But that's fine by me. If you need to escape for awhile, I understand.
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[ If it sounds like he’s trying not to think about that too much that’s because he is absolutely trying not to think about that too much. Star is just trying to give him space, nothing more. ]
Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually. Be one of those nice convenient dead people who just wants all the alive people to be safe and happy. Get you to teach me a lesson or two about developing a half-decent martyr complex, Mr. ‘I’ll be miserable and alone if he wants it’.
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[He scoffs. Don't doubt how deep his martyr complex can go!!]
I've no lessons to share. But I want nothing more than to make him happy. ...He saved my life. I owe him much.
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[ There’s a rustle from the kitchen. Hierophant has been done with cleaning the pan for a while now and fallen dormant, but it’s active again now. It digs around in the bag to retrieve a tube of paint.
It drops it on the table, next to the mug. ]
If it eases your mind, I wasn’t intending to pursue him. Even before I knew about you. He deserves better than being stuck with some dead boy out of guilt. And I- probably don’t deserve better than a tragic ongoing ‘sorry you’re dead’ pity fuck, but that doesn’t mean I’ll settle for it. I think I’ll be happy for you, once I figure all of this out.
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[He wonders... should he say his intentions? No, not until he knows more. Not until he has more information, that it's even plausible from here, but--]
We're in a similar position in any case. I'm not even from your world or time. One day, I might have to say good-bye to him, and I will never be prepared for that.
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[ He doesn't mean to say that. He never says things he doesn't intend to say but those words sneak up and compress themselves into thin little worms to fit between the cracks in his lips the way Hierophant crawls into small spaces. ]
-That was needlessly grim. I apologise. I apologise for a lot. You've been more patient with me than I deserve.
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[Adrian smiles faintly, but there is a tinge of bittersweet to it.]
That's difficult to say. I feel like it was the exact amount of patience you needed, all things considered.
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[ It's strange, hearing Adrian call Jotaro by that nickname. They seem to have gone in opposite directions - Adrian using it as a term of endearment where he stopped using the nickname in favour if his given name over time. Little differences. Their own ways of finding comfortable places for his name inside them. ]
He can make the hot chocolate, by the way. If you give him the ingredients. It won't bother me. I've been cooking with him all my life, he can practically do it without any input from me at all.
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[It's said wryly, but who is to say how he'll act then? Still, he finds less reasons to really begrudge Kakyoin.]
I suppose I'll have to keep them handy for when he visits, then.
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[ It's not entirely clear whether that was intended to be a joke. ]
I should probably head back before long. I'm trying not to worry him too much, and that probably does involve not spending too much time wandering off to places I'm intending to be secretive about.
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