I'll try to explain it's probably better like this anyway. I don't think I'd be able to explain it well in person
I had a difficult experience with some humans. Emotionally. Intimately. Jojo knows about them. And I trust him, obviously. I'm comfortable with him and I know he accepts me for all that I am. And for me, I do the same for him. But not all humans do And I have a hard time letting myself be vulnerable with many humans in return.
I suppose I have no right saying that You're asking a vampire about sex after all.
No. No, I understand, I think. I mean. I really understand. I just hadn't really thought of sex as vulnerability. Or of you as a vampire, or myself as a human, really.
[ An awkward 'typing...' pause, far too long for the message that arrives afterward. ]
I would have. He was very beautiful. And I was somewhat pathetic. I loved him. If he were willing, I think I would have. And I know he was [ kind of a slut. ] not above such things.
I spent a few months with him, and I remember very little of it.
Perhaps it would have been different, had I been aware of what you are before I met you. But the similarities begin and end with teeth and physical strength. Neither of those things ever defined him, and neither of them define you.
What defined him, to me, was his presence. Jotaro's grandfather called it charisma, and I think it was something entirely separate from his vampirism. In his presence, you would simply feel that so long as you did as he wished, you would be- complete, somehow. Your understanding of the world would be replaced, entirely, by his own wishes. He was less person and more hierophany. In truth, I think Jotaro has more in common with him than you.
Your presence is entirely that of someone whose shoelaces I want to tie together, to be honest.
Oh. Perhaps it is a vampire thing, then. Not just me running into a beautiful man and deciding he must be some kind of wonderful vampire messiah.
It's a tragedy. Do you know how difficult it is to come up with ways to fuck with you? I'm going to have to resort to putting pink dye in your shampoo one of these days.
Dio was the first person I encountered capable of seeing stands. I never really thought of him as being a vampire in any way other than a strategic one. To be honest, I always thought of myself as like him, if far, far weaker. I had more in common with him than I would ever have with a human who couldn’t see stands.
I admit, I wouldn't know. People could just experience weird bullshit where I was from regardless of their origins. The fact that one cannot see a Stand is not something I can particularly relate to.
Still. I can't imagine humans treated you as if you weren't a person for what you were. But maybe I'm wrong.
Oh, they never did. They pitied me, at first. Thought I was sick in the head until I told them I’d recovered and wouldn’t talk about things that didn’t exist anymore. They never thought I wasn’t human. Just that they’d done something wrong. Broken me.
I was the one who decided that I must not be a person, once it became unbearable to pretend that Hierophant didn’t exist. It was easier, I think, to not be a person than to be a broken person.
...That was unrelated to my questions. I’m asking a lot of you, and not for any reason other than to sate my own curiosity. You at least deserve to know where I’m coming from.
I suppose that the question I’m really trying to ask here is why there need to be two halves at all, instead of two wholes. If Jotaro and I are entirely human, differentiated from other humans only by ‘weird bullshit’, Jotaro by birthright and I by accident of fate, why can you not be the same? At least to yourself, if not to others.
I'm neither one nor the other completely. I've always been too vampire for humans, too human for vampires. You cannot change what you are anymore than I can, Kakyoin. A human who is a Stand user, and I will always just not be quite complete as I am.
At least in your case, there are other Stand users. As far as I know, there is no one else like me.
Really? I would be curious about that, but I think I should perhaps drop the topic for now. I'll give you more warning, if I ask again.
For what it's worth, I think Jotaro may have overstated how much it would concern me. That you are what you are. What Dio was matters far more than him than it does to me, I think. His family being so tangled in it. Perhaps that's why he understands better than I do. There are. There are a lot of reasons why he might understand better than I do.
Dio was only ever a vampire to me in that I should be aware that he would be stronger after consuming blood, and in that facing him during the day would be a significant strategical advantage. What he did to me was a vampire-thing, but I only ever knew that in hindsight. To me, he was like me. Just stronger. Maybe a little more unkind. You are like me. Just stronger. And probably a better person.
...And also one who may want to clarify within the next few minutes whether they really meant what they said about cutting their hair.
There are half-demons and the like, but my circumstances are a little unique. I am aware of that. But yes, I will leave that topic alone at the moment.
I'm less sure that it was him that overstated it and more that I am personally concerned with it. I'm not unused to unfortunate assumptions about myself, and I personally wanted to be sure that I didn't remind you of Dio at all.
[Oh. Hey Hierophant. Adrian isn't even going to attempt to dodge anything what's up.]
...and while I am clarifying things that probably no longer need to be clarified, I have no intention of killing you mid-coitus. If I’m going to kill someone, I’d rather do so from at least twenty feet away. Which would make for tremendously unsatisfying sex.
[ Hierophant wraps around Adrian’s hair like a ribbon, tightening as one last warning. ]
I know that I don't. ...Rather, I know that now. When you first showed up, I was more concerned for your well-being.
In any case. That matter in particular is a vulnerable spot for me. I wouldn't mind trying something with you, but if I need us to stop just know it isn't you at all. It's... what happened.
[Hmm hmm. He takes one of Hierophant's tentacles, but doesn't try to do anything else. Like it's his way of giving permission.]
[Golden hair falls to the floor, and for a moment Adrian's hair is short, at least until suddenly it starts to grow out again like he's a goddamn magical girl or something. In any case, he doesn't look put out.
Instead, he smiles crookedly, and turns his head to brush his lips against one of Hierophant's tentacles. This time, he speaks out loud.]
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I'll try to explain
it's probably better like this anyway.
I don't think I'd be able to explain it well in person
I had a
difficult experience with some humans. Emotionally. Intimately.
Jojo knows about them. And I trust him, obviously. I'm comfortable with him and I know he accepts me for all that I am. And for me, I do the same for him.
But not all humans do
And I have a hard time letting myself be vulnerable with many humans in return.
I suppose I have no right saying that
You're asking a vampire about sex after all.
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[ An awkward 'typing...' pause, far too long for the message that arrives afterward. ]
I think I slept with Dio.
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it's a little hard to think of it as otherwise when people try to kill you mid-coitus.
I see.
Did you want to at the time? I suppose that's hard to say with someone like him.
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I would have. He was very beautiful. And I was somewhat pathetic. I loved him. If he were willing, I think I would have. And I know he was [ kind of a slut. ] not above such things.
I spent a few months with him, and I remember very little of it.
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Do I remind you of him at all? It's irrational perhaps but I worry that I might. I worried the same for Jojo for awhile.
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Perhaps it would have been different, had I been aware of what you are before I met you. But the similarities begin and end with teeth and physical strength. Neither of those things ever defined him, and neither of them define you.
What defined him, to me, was his presence. Jotaro's grandfather called it charisma, and I think it was something entirely separate from his vampirism. In his presence, you would simply feel that so long as you did as he wished, you would be- complete, somehow. Your understanding of the world would be replaced, entirely, by his own wishes. He was less person and more hierophany. In truth, I think Jotaro has more in common with him than you.
Your presence is entirely that of someone whose shoelaces I want to tie together, to be honest.
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What a bully. Good thing I don't use laces.
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It's a tragedy. Do you know how difficult it is to come up with ways to fuck with you? I'm going to have to resort to putting pink dye in your shampoo one of these days.
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Terrible. You should try cutting my hair and see what happens.
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I'm aware that I don't make a habit of asking permission to ask inappropriately personal questions, but may I ask something?
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I think for the fact that you're asking permission makes it all the easier to tell you "yes". So, you may.
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I would describe myself as "not enough".
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It’s curious to me.
That you consider Jotaro and I human, and yourself something other.
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Not to Jojo, though. He tries his best to accept both of those sides. That's more than what most people have ever given me.
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Dio was the first person I encountered capable of seeing stands. I never really thought of him as being a vampire in any way other than a strategic one. To be honest, I always thought of myself as like him, if far, far weaker. I had more in common with him than I would ever have with a human who couldn’t see stands.
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Still. I can't imagine humans treated you as if you weren't a person for what you were. But maybe I'm wrong.
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I was the one who decided that I must not be a person, once it became unbearable to pretend that Hierophant didn’t exist. It was easier, I think, to not be a person than to be a broken person.
...That was unrelated to my questions. I’m asking a lot of you, and not for any reason other than to sate my own curiosity. You at least deserve to know where I’m coming from.
I suppose that the question I’m really trying to ask here is why there need to be two halves at all, instead of two wholes. If Jotaro and I are entirely human, differentiated from other humans only by ‘weird bullshit’, Jotaro by birthright and I by accident of fate, why can you not be the same? At least to yourself, if not to others.
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At least in your case, there are other Stand users. As far as I know, there is no one else like me.
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For what it's worth, I think Jotaro may have overstated how much it would concern me. That you are what you are. What Dio was matters far more than him than it does to me, I think. His family being so tangled in it. Perhaps that's why he understands better than I do. There are.
There are a lot of reasons why he might understand better than I do.
Dio was only ever a vampire to me in that I should be aware that he would be stronger after consuming blood, and in that facing him during the day would be a significant strategical advantage. What he did to me was a vampire-thing, but I only ever knew that in hindsight. To me, he was like me. Just stronger. Maybe a little more unkind. You are like me. Just stronger. And probably a better person.
...And also one who may want to clarify within the next few minutes whether they really meant what they said about cutting their hair.
[ Hierophant is in the room. Hi. ]
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I'm less sure that it was him that overstated it and more that I am personally concerned with it. I'm not unused to unfortunate assumptions about myself, and I personally wanted to be sure that I didn't remind you of Dio at all.
[Oh. Hey Hierophant. Adrian isn't even going to attempt to dodge anything what's up.]
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...and while I am clarifying things that probably no longer need to be clarified, I have no intention of killing you mid-coitus. If I’m going to kill someone, I’d rather do so from at least twenty feet away. Which would make for tremendously unsatisfying sex.
[ Hierophant wraps around Adrian’s hair like a ribbon, tightening as one last warning. ]
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In any case. That matter in particular is a vulnerable spot for me. I wouldn't mind trying something with you, but if I need us to stop just know it isn't you at all. It's... what happened.
[Hmm hmm. He takes one of Hierophant's tentacles, but doesn't try to do anything else. Like it's his way of giving permission.]
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[ And Hierophant's tentacle sharpens into green glass before constricting, slicing through Adrian's hair. ]
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Instead, he smiles crookedly, and turns his head to brush his lips against one of Hierophant's tentacles. This time, he speaks out loud.]
Perhaps a harmless prank from me this time.
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