reposing | ❧ inbox; duplicity

That's understandable. I think for a lot of people like us, a form is more malleable and less of a concern. It doesn't remove our identity.

I'd like that, Alucard. If you wanted to right now, I'm working on a commission. Frankly, I could use a moment away from it.

i agree, sometimes i think it's difficult for people to realize that no matter what i look like i'm the same person

i'd like that as well actually, i may as well come give you a break

Humans sometimes need something a little more rooted.

I'll leave the door unlocked. Wine?

yes

i'll be by soon

[ and he is: he's still in his usual form, but without his coat, hat, or glasses. just his black suit and red tie, looking not nervous but thoughtful.

he steps inside carefully, shutting the door behind him and announcing his arrival in a low voice. ]

I'm here.

I'm in the study.

[Adrian's voice calls out softly, and he's indeed in the study, two glasses arranged and both filled with wine. It doesn't do anything to inebriate Adrian, but he still enjoys the taste nonetheless.

An unfortunate opportunity missed; at the camp he probably would have been so easily, but aw well.]

You look a bit serious, Alucard. [He says, when he sees the vampire. A glass is offered.] Is everything all right?

[ alucard heads to the study then, and looks him over--it's not so much a hungry look as it is one like he's making sure he's alright. it's something, alright.

he takes the glass with a nod of gratitude, smiling faintly and shaking his head. ]

I just have a lot of time to think, here. It's strange.

Is that such a bad thing?

[Adrian's voice is soft, and he sits down by the fireplace.]

Though I suppose after your line of work, having a moment to think isn't often. What's on your mind?

No, that's not what I mean.

[ he sits across from adrian, taking a sip of his wine and looking at him. he smiles, though. ]

I don't get much opportunity to act for myself, either. Integra is the kindest of my masters, but my time is still taken up by work. To have time to just... explore, to meet people, to speak to them, is almost overwhelming.

Ah.

[More optimistically, Adrian smiles in return.]

I know a little, I think. Outside of Trevor and Sypha, I never really had any friends to call my own. Here, it's been quite different.

I was prepared for a lonely life. That's no longer the case. Bit of a mixed blessing.

All I have at home are Integra and Seras Victoria and my moments of solitude.

[ an honesty, from him. but then he continues. ]

Here, I'm getting... attached to people. I've been so detached for so long that I don't know what to do with feeling things like this. My entire world to two people, and now there's more.

It can be a bit frightening, I'll admit. To have so much suddenly, and to know you can lose it so quickly.

But I think it'll be a good reminder to you, Alucard. As it has been for me. For as much as I regret and miss those that are gone, I know that I'm not alone. Neither are you, if you so choose.

Mm, you're right.

I need to... focus, I think, on forging what I can while I'm here. To not let things stagnate, I suppose. Life is more than work.

Despite any who would tell you otherwise. And for people like us, we have an infinite life to explore.

[Lightly, he rests his hand over Alucard's wrist.] I want to change so much in this place, of course. But it's useless without remembering who I'm changing it for.

[ at that, he smiles. it's something. ]

I want to change things. For once, not for selfish reasons. It's difficult to stand idly by, when it's for the sake of others.

[ he turns his hand slightly, exposing more of his wrist to that touch. ]

Terrible, isn't it. That we're forced to wait on behalf of those we care about.

...and when we feel, it is with a full intensity. Completely. [That, too, in a way is terrifying. But he's still glad for it.]

For what it's worth, while I do wish we've met under different circumstances, I'm still quite glad to know you.

I want to just... bare my teeth and go. It's what I've always done. But now, things must be done carefully.

I don't... know how to feel, after so many years. To have fondness for people. An obsession turned gentler.

[ he smiles though, faint. ]

I agree. I'm glad to have met you, though the circumstances could be better.

With all of your power at your disposal, I can see the easily being the norm for you.

[His hand slips into Alucard's now, the touch light.]

Perhaps it is normal also for a Dracula to fixate. [Adrian means to say it to tease, but for a moment his smile is sad before he finishes his glass of wine.] You have time to learn. And you have people willing.

I need to protect the people I care for. It means being careful.

[ his hand turns, threading their fingers as he glances down at their hands. it's... nice.

so is the tease, even if that smile is sad. alucard finishes his own wine, thoughtful. ]

I've always been that way. To feel gentler is something I'm getting used to. To not want to clutch to my own chest utterly, but to see flourish.

[ a faint smile. ] Perhaps it's just being less selfish.

[Adrian isn't ignorant to the softer moments he'd shared with Alucard, the contact and conversation shared. The sex had been fun and distracting, but everything else around it felt more important, honestly.

And this, too, is important. The way their hands interlink. It chases away the brief sadness in Adrian's face.]

Perhaps so.

Sharing is no easy thing, Alucard. In many ways. The worries in your heart when you're meant to be seen as impenetrable, or when all you would want is to keep the ones you love close to you and far away from everything else.

You'll learn. I trust that.

[ he's glad to chase that sadness away, to let something else take its place. he's quiet, listening, but he nods. ]

The desire to just... devour that which I covet is so strong. To take into myself, to have that forever. But I know it's not... how people work. [ he smiles, a little wry. ]

I'm doing my best here, and I suppose that's the best thing I can say for it.

[Carefully, he takes Alucard's hand, brushing his lips over his fingers.]

I know.

And know that I also think you are deserving of affection, Alucard. Which is also a difficult thing to always accept.

[ after that, he turns his hand enough to affectionately brush his fingers along adrian's jaw. ]

That's more difficult to accept than anything else, I think.

[ integra shows him affection in her own way. seras is loyal and affectionate. but other people? preposterous.

he huffs a laugh, tipping his head down. ]

I suppose I'm forced to accept it here, since there's evidence of it.

[Briefly, Adrian's eyes close and he leans into the contact.]

I guess you'll just have to deal with it.

[Slipping from his seat, Arian leans over, grinning.]

I daresay even Trevor seems quite fond of you.

[Without any particular embarrassment, Adrian presses his lips to Alucard's, the contact tender. They can afford to be more than that between the two of them, but he tends to find those who have lacked kindness could stand to use it more.]

I suppose I will.

[ alucard grins right back at him--and huffs a laugh. he returns the kiss before he answers, cupping adrian's cheek with one hand to hold him there a moment before he leans back to speak, looking at him. ]

Well, I'm glad for that. I've been bothering him often enough.

And evidently nearly pass out in his bath.

[He laughs softly.]

Hmm, let me give you affection then, Alucard. When was the last time someone was soft to you?

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