You two seem awfully concerned you've fucked up the other person.
[It's so different than how Adrian and Trevor have... disagreements, if one could call them that. Sometimes they hurt each other so badly with words and never really get around to apologies. Instead, sometimes the wounds are left to fester before there's any real aid.
Yet, Jotaro and Kakyoin are so concerned about having hurt each other. It's sweet, even if it makes Adrian's heart ache a little.]
Oh, no. I always sort of figured you were. I just wasn't certain what kind of asshole yet.
[ He pauses for a little too long and the milk starts to bubble. Hierophant shoos him away from the stove and takes over, taking it off the heat.
Logically he knew that. Jotaro wouldn't be acting like he is if he didn't think that. But it's difficult, still, to get his head around it. ]
He hasn't. I'm just- When I showed up here, I just started playing house. Pretending. I got myself a calendar and acted like it was June and signed up for classes and went around convincing people I was alive and a good person and-
-and I'm not. And I can't pretend I am, when he's there. I have to deal with it and dealing with it is messy and ugly and filthy. I hate it. I hate you and I hate his daughter and I hate that, too, because he loves you and he loves her and I should be happy for him. I hate that I can't just act like there isn't a whole future and I'm not in it. I hate that he's not enough of an asshole to be in the future. People will be pathetic enough that he'll give them a chance and they'll take advantage and I won't be there to stop them and-
[ Hierophant pours the hot chocolate into two mugs and tops it with cream and marshmallows (it chose baby blue ones for Adrian, and mint green for him) and little chocolate stars. It puts one down next to Adiran and pushes the other into Kakyoin's hands and fuck, he didn't mean for all those words to happen. ]
I'm dead. [ He says it softly, and the words don't hurt as much as he thought they would. ] I don't regret anything, but I hate that I'm dead. I don't think I'm supposed to.
He thinks that he's hurt you with whatever he's said. I don't know what he's said about me, but I know he told you about Jolyne. Learning about her hurt a bit for me as well, but... I wouldn't want to stop him from making sure she stays existing.
[The mug is held in his hands and he glances at the Stand with a bit of fondness in his eyes. Not the way he adores Star, but Hierophant is still a guest he's become accustomed to seeing.
He has a sip. It's incredibly delicious. Better than the hot chocolate he's had anywhere else around here, actually. Maybe a gesture of goodwill, or an apology. Whatever it might be, he won't ask.]
I think it was a lot to demand from you, learning everything as you had suddenly at once while also being terribly aware of your own situation after death, unfair and cruel as it already was. Then you find out that Jotaro has involved himself with a vampire. How could you not resent it? How could you not hate me?
[Adrian shrugs.] Would you find it strange to know that I worried for the longest time that I was simply a placeholder for you? Oh, the notion waned and I was concerned less, but I used to think about it a lot. He'd say I would remind him of you sometimes.
In any case, I don't begrudge you. Not in the least.
[ His eyes widen a little. No. He isn't going to freak out. He's better than that, and if Adrian wanted him dead or under his thrall then he'd already know. Jotaro would already know, even if he's far too ready to give people chances they don't deserve. He counts the things he can feel. The heat of the mug in his hands. The carpet under his feet. The air going into his lungs cool and coming out warm. The distant sensation of Hierophant frozen in place, holding the pan under running water.
This isn't Dio. Yes, he's followed a beautiful man into a space devoid of anyone else and now they're a vampire. But that doesn't mean that this is Dio, it just means that he has an incredibly bad habit that he should really examine. Hierophant starts moving again, turning off the tap, and he manages not to call it to rush to his defense.
Jotaro would have warned him, if he'd known that he were going to visit Adrian. But he's being sneaky, going behind his back. So really, he deserves to be blindsided a little. ]
I- didn't. Find out that detail, I mean. I- apologise for opening the curtains, yesterday. That really was because the raccoon wanted the sun to fall on his pet bed, I swear. I was not trying to kill you.
Ah. Well. I didn't mean to drop that information to you this way, though it's not much of a secret I keep here.
[Whoops. As if Kakyoin really needed some additional anxieties here. Well, he was going to find out at some point, but he wishes he'd had paced that out better. He'd honestly just assumed that Jotaro infodumped onto Kakyoin as he did about Jolyne.]
Anyway, the sun doesn't affect me, and I'd honestly assumed that you were doing some tests. I wouldn't have blamed you for that. In any case, I'm not all vampire. Just half, by my father. The other part of me is human.
No, no tests. Or- not that, at least. Just a sunbathing raccoon. But I'm glad to know I didn't accidentally try to kill you. I'd much rather be intentional with that kind of thing.
[ He sips at the hot chocolate. It's warm and practically the consistency of syrup. Not exactly ideal for summer, but it's the beginning of February somewhere. And he's poked around enough to see all the ice cream and get an idea for what Adrian seems to like and it's the most indulgent sweet thing he knows how to make.
But there's something else that Adrian said. ]
Why would you be a placeholder for me?
[ Part of him realises it's a cruel thing to ask, but Kakyoin is a cruel person. And he wants to know. ]
Well, at least I can trust you to do that should you ever decide I was worth slaying.
[His tone is dry, but he isn't completely convinced that Kakyoin wouldn't try one day. Not for lacking Jotaro's trust, but the sting of Sumi and Taka still remain. Trust for other people is a harder thing.]
Why do you think?
[Adrian's tone is a bit colder, more bitter.]
He used to tell me how I reminded him of you. There are differences, of course, but I think he liked the familiarity of someone who wouldn't take shit from him, would give it back just as much or more. Maybe it's something else.
But you're human. Familiar. And I have never been first in anyone's hearts, so why would that change now?
Oh, if I thought you were worth slaying I wouldn't waste your time with things that I know won't work. I'm afraid I might still disappoint you, though. I don't have the best record when it comes to vampires.
[ It's hard not to recognise the bitterness in Alucard's tone. It's not quite the same sort of bitterness as his own, but it's close. He doesn't know whether he wants to try to goad him or mollify him.
Jotaro loved someone because they were like him. That's- something to consider. Something that moves him feel like the crystal that is his insides has broken and all the jagged edges dug into the parts of him that still bleed. ]
I don't intend to interfere, if you were worried about that. If you hurt him, I'll- [ He sips the hot chocolate. It's a deliberate dramatic pause. ] -ask you to talk it out. Look for a couple's therapist, probably.
Don't worry. You're not the one I would worry about in terms of who could have the potential to kill me. Not for your lack of skill, but I'm aware of at least one particularly decent hunter in Lunatia.
[but hey we won't talk about Trevor Belmont because that'd be weird on multiple levels so]
If Jojo asked me to leave him be so he could be with you, I would let him. I would hate it with every bit of my being, but I would do it.
And I would never hurt him. So you won't need to be particularly concerned about that.
I don't want him to. I wouldn't want anything to do with him if he did.
[ He does. He wants it desperately, except for how doing that would make Jotaro a different person. He'd be the kind of person who just threw people away. And then he wouldn't be Jotaro. He doesn't want Jotaro to be the kind of asshole who'd discard someone for him. He's that kind of asshole. Jotaro needs to be the good one. ]
My standards aren't that low, you know.
[ Kakyoin you wanted to date Dio your standards are so low they've tunneled to the Lunatian version of Australia. ]
[Quietly, that surprises him, but he thinks he understands. It would say a lot about Jotaro's character then, but Jotaro never would. And it's not that he particularly even doubts Jotaro specifically, but he knows with his own issues, well. It's hard to not compare himself a bit to Kakyoin and wonder.]
I would have no idea about your standards, really. Other than you're a bit of a shit, a painter, and you make excellent hot cocoa.
If I wanted to be with the type of asshole who throws people away I'd at least find one who didn't make me look short.
[ He grumbles a little more under his breath about this hypothetical not-Jotaro who'd do this, and how much he wants that, and how little he wants that. ]
I'm not going to- I tried to fuck with you both before. That's why I went for the payne's grey. It was the one you used most in the painting at his place. And it felt like shit, and I'm not going to do it again. He's not going to just decide he wants rid of you. And I'm not going to get between you because I don't like feeling like that.
[It's still a bit odd that Jotaro is his exact height, honestly.]
He likes the ocean, so I try to make things he might enjoy. And he told me to paint more. [Though he should do more for himself, but it's still a struggle sometimes to be motivated for more than that.] I know he won't make that choice. Don't misunderstand.
If I may, what did you hope to accomplish by sending Hieorphant here?
[ He sighs, sitting down and putting down the hot chocolate. He's apparently decided that he's being honest with Adrian, and that's an exhausting prospect. But- in a roundabout way, if being honest with Adrian puts him at ease, then he can put Jotaro at ease. It'll make things better. ]
At first? I- don't really know. I wanted to make sure he was safe, when he came here, because until two weeks ago going anywhere alone was suicide and it's different here but it's still difficult. I think I wanted to know what kind of person he liked. I was angry. I don't know what I was angry at, but I decided it was you because you were there and I thought you couldn't see me. You were convenient.
Then I started coming here because I needed to be somewhere else. My head's all messed up but if I act like something's wrong, it'll fuck with him. I just- had a place here, by then. So I came here.
[There's a pause as he looks down into the remains of his hot chocolate. He'll certainly finish it, and he ponders for a moment. Kakyoin's anger, frustration, and venting are all understandable that he can't begrudge, and whatever feelings Adrian has? It has nothing to do really with either Kakyoin or Jotaro, but his own angst of actions past that no one can change. So he doesn't blame anyone for that, no one alive anyway.]
You still have a place, if you want. I didn't mind the company particularly, and Trevor certainly likes Hieorphant.
But if you come in person again, I think I might prefer you have a key first. [He says it wryly.] Hierophant makes a lock pointless, but I'd rather know it was you first. Or I might burst out from the shower again and make a fool of myself.
[ He sighs as if it's particularly troublesome to carry things in his pockets. ]
I'll just shout to let you know I'm arriving. It's- more comfortable to be Hierophant right now anyway. I just came in person today because Hierophant doesn't like talking.
Because it's polite and less likely for me to react violently.
[Down the line it probably won't matter when he gets used to the sounds Kakyoin makes.]
Mm. That'll work. Just let me know ahead of time.
...Does he speak? Star only seems to be able to make a noise. Granted, I've only ever seen three Stands before including yours and Star. The other was Avdol's.
Not for himself. Most stands can't, as far as I'm aware. I'm- not really sure what it would say about a person, if their stand could speak at length without their input. Avdol would know. He was always the one with an academic understanding of stands- I just know what I've learned from Hierophant.
[ Nobody tell him about Sex Pistols. ]
I can speak through him, but he doesn't like it. It makes him feel exposed if he's making noises.
[ Adrian means no longer here, physically. But there's a second meaning to that, isn't there? And he cares. And it hurts, But he doesn't feel the need to run away. He doesn't feel bile rising in his throat. He doesn't want to let Hierophant cocoon him in its threads and stick to some dark corner of a forgotten place and harden into crystal until he can emerge in some other skin. It just hurts. It's not dramatic. It's just sad.
He's selfish, isn't he? ]
It's a little complicated. He doesn't like being observed, but he's also me. And I- it makes me uneasy when people can't see him. We're one of those types of people, the two of us, who only really wants things that are the opposite of other things they want. We're difficult. I'm sure that you hadn't noticed yet.
Hm. No, I suppose so. It seems Stands have their own personalities made to reflect their users in some way. Star seems to express what Jojo is hesitant to. Kind of like a big puppy. Hierophant... I think he just wants to be ready to protect you. But that's purely based on observation.
[Adrian looks at his mug. It's terribly empty. Tragic.]
In any case, I just want to adhere to both of your preferences if possible.
A big puppy. He really is. [ He chuckles at that. It's fond. Warm, in a way he can't really manage otherwise. ] He'd fuss over us, you know, when any of us were hurt. It was sweet.
[ He gives it some thought. ]
Let him be if he's just minding his own business? In that case, it's probably him. If he's bothering you or causing trouble, that's more of me.
[ It sounds so weird. Language isn't really built for communicating the experience of being two separate people at once ]
I haven’t seen much of him, honestly. He showed up once, when I was sick, but he was on the other side of a door.
[ If it sounds like he’s trying not to think about that too much that’s because he is absolutely trying not to think about that too much. Star is just trying to give him space, nothing more. ]
Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually. Be one of those nice convenient dead people who just wants all the alive people to be safe and happy. Get you to teach me a lesson or two about developing a half-decent martyr complex, Mr. ‘I’ll be miserable and alone if he wants it’.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[It's so different than how Adrian and Trevor have... disagreements, if one could call them that. Sometimes they hurt each other so badly with words and never really get around to apologies. Instead, sometimes the wounds are left to fester before there's any real aid.
Yet, Jotaro and Kakyoin are so concerned about having hurt each other. It's sweet, even if it makes Adrian's heart ache a little.]
Oh, no. I always sort of figured you were. I just wasn't certain what kind of asshole yet.
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[ He pauses for a little too long and the milk starts to bubble. Hierophant shoos him away from the stove and takes over, taking it off the heat.
Logically he knew that. Jotaro wouldn't be acting like he is if he didn't think that. But it's difficult, still, to get his head around it. ]
He hasn't. I'm just- When I showed up here, I just started playing house. Pretending. I got myself a calendar and acted like it was June and signed up for classes and went around convincing people I was alive and a good person and-
-and I'm not. And I can't pretend I am, when he's there. I have to deal with it and dealing with it is messy and ugly and filthy. I hate it. I hate you and I hate his daughter and I hate that, too, because he loves you and he loves her and I should be happy for him. I hate that I can't just act like there isn't a whole future and I'm not in it. I hate that he's not enough of an asshole to be in the future. People will be pathetic enough that he'll give them a chance and they'll take advantage and I won't be there to stop them and-
[ Hierophant pours the hot chocolate into two mugs and tops it with cream and marshmallows (it chose baby blue ones for Adrian, and mint green for him) and little chocolate stars. It puts one down next to Adiran and pushes the other into Kakyoin's hands and fuck, he didn't mean for all those words to happen. ]
I'm dead. [ He says it softly, and the words don't hurt as much as he thought they would. ] I don't regret anything, but I hate that I'm dead. I don't think I'm supposed to.
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[The mug is held in his hands and he glances at the Stand with a bit of fondness in his eyes. Not the way he adores Star, but Hierophant is still a guest he's become accustomed to seeing.
He has a sip. It's incredibly delicious. Better than the hot chocolate he's had anywhere else around here, actually. Maybe a gesture of goodwill, or an apology. Whatever it might be, he won't ask.]
I think it was a lot to demand from you, learning everything as you had suddenly at once while also being terribly aware of your own situation after death, unfair and cruel as it already was. Then you find out that Jotaro has involved himself with a vampire. How could you not resent it? How could you not hate me?
[Adrian shrugs.] Would you find it strange to know that I worried for the longest time that I was simply a placeholder for you? Oh, the notion waned and I was concerned less, but I used to think about it a lot. He'd say I would remind him of you sometimes.
In any case, I don't begrudge you. Not in the least.
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This isn't Dio. Yes, he's followed a beautiful man into a space devoid of anyone else and now they're a vampire. But that doesn't mean that this is Dio, it just means that he has an incredibly bad habit that he should really examine. Hierophant starts moving again, turning off the tap, and he manages not to call it to rush to his defense.
Jotaro would have warned him, if he'd known that he were going to visit Adrian. But he's being sneaky, going behind his back. So really, he deserves to be blindsided a little. ]
I- didn't. Find out that detail, I mean. I- apologise for opening the curtains, yesterday. That really was because the raccoon wanted the sun to fall on his pet bed, I swear. I was not trying to kill you.
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[Whoops. As if Kakyoin really needed some additional anxieties here. Well, he was going to find out at some point, but he wishes he'd had paced that out better. He'd honestly just assumed that Jotaro infodumped onto Kakyoin as he did about Jolyne.]
Anyway, the sun doesn't affect me, and I'd honestly assumed that you were doing some tests. I wouldn't have blamed you for that. In any case, I'm not all vampire. Just half, by my father. The other part of me is human.
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[ He sips at the hot chocolate. It's warm and practically the consistency of syrup. Not exactly ideal for summer, but it's the beginning of February somewhere. And he's poked around enough to see all the ice cream and get an idea for what Adrian seems to like and it's the most indulgent sweet thing he knows how to make.
But there's something else that Adrian said. ]
Why would you be a placeholder for me?
[ Part of him realises it's a cruel thing to ask, but Kakyoin is a cruel person. And he wants to know. ]
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[His tone is dry, but he isn't completely convinced that Kakyoin wouldn't try one day. Not for lacking Jotaro's trust, but the sting of Sumi and Taka still remain. Trust for other people is a harder thing.]
Why do you think?
[Adrian's tone is a bit colder, more bitter.]
He used to tell me how I reminded him of you. There are differences, of course, but I think he liked the familiarity of someone who wouldn't take shit from him, would give it back just as much or more. Maybe it's something else.
But you're human. Familiar. And I have never been first in anyone's hearts, so why would that change now?
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[ It's hard not to recognise the bitterness in Alucard's tone. It's not quite the same sort of bitterness as his own, but it's close. He doesn't know whether he wants to try to goad him or mollify him.
Jotaro loved someone because they were like him. That's- something to consider. Something that moves him feel like the crystal that is his insides has broken and all the jagged edges dug into the parts of him that still bleed. ]
I don't intend to interfere, if you were worried about that. If you hurt him, I'll- [ He sips the hot chocolate. It's a deliberate dramatic pause. ] -ask you to talk it out. Look for a couple's therapist, probably.
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[but hey we won't talk about Trevor Belmont because that'd be weird on multiple levels so]
If Jojo asked me to leave him be so he could be with you, I would let him. I would hate it with every bit of my being, but I would do it.
And I would never hurt him. So you won't need to be particularly concerned about that.
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[ He does. He wants it desperately, except for how doing that would make Jotaro a different person. He'd be the kind of person who just threw people away. And then he wouldn't be Jotaro. He doesn't want Jotaro to be the kind of asshole who'd discard someone for him. He's that kind of asshole. Jotaro needs to be the good one. ]
My standards aren't that low, you know.
[ Kakyoin you wanted to date Dio your standards are so low they've tunneled to the Lunatian version of Australia. ]
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I would have no idea about your standards, really. Other than you're a bit of a shit, a painter, and you make excellent hot cocoa.
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[ He grumbles a little more under his breath about this hypothetical not-Jotaro who'd do this, and how much he wants that, and how little he wants that. ]
I'm not going to- I tried to fuck with you both before. That's why I went for the payne's grey. It was the one you used most in the painting at his place. And it felt like shit, and I'm not going to do it again. He's not going to just decide he wants rid of you. And I'm not going to get between you because I don't like feeling like that.
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[It's still a bit odd that Jotaro is his exact height, honestly.]
He likes the ocean, so I try to make things he might enjoy. And he told me to paint more. [Though he should do more for himself, but it's still a struggle sometimes to be motivated for more than that.] I know he won't make that choice. Don't misunderstand.
If I may, what did you hope to accomplish by sending Hieorphant here?
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At first? I- don't really know. I wanted to make sure he was safe, when he came here, because until two weeks ago going anywhere alone was suicide and it's different here but it's still difficult. I think I wanted to know what kind of person he liked. I was angry. I don't know what I was angry at, but I decided it was you because you were there and I thought you couldn't see me. You were convenient.
Then I started coming here because I needed to be somewhere else. My head's all messed up but if I act like something's wrong, it'll fuck with him. I just- had a place here, by then. So I came here.
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You still have a place, if you want. I didn't mind the company particularly, and Trevor certainly likes Hieorphant.
But if you come in person again, I think I might prefer you have a key first. [He says it wryly.] Hierophant makes a lock pointless, but I'd rather know it was you first. Or I might burst out from the shower again and make a fool of myself.
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[ He sighs as if it's particularly troublesome to carry things in his pockets. ]
I'll just shout to let you know I'm arriving. It's- more comfortable to be Hierophant right now anyway. I just came in person today because Hierophant doesn't like talking.
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[Down the line it probably won't matter when he gets used to the sounds Kakyoin makes.]
Mm. That'll work. Just let me know ahead of time.
...Does he speak? Star only seems to be able to make a noise. Granted, I've only ever seen three Stands before including yours and Star. The other was Avdol's.
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[ Nobody tell him about Sex Pistols. ]
I can speak through him, but he doesn't like it. It makes him feel exposed if he's making noises.
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[s o o n]
I understand. Would he feel more at ease if I didn't pay too much attention to him?
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[ Adrian means no longer here, physically. But there's a second meaning to that, isn't there? And he cares. And it hurts, But he doesn't feel the need to run away. He doesn't feel bile rising in his throat. He doesn't want to let Hierophant cocoon him in its threads and stick to some dark corner of a forgotten place and harden into crystal until he can emerge in some other skin. It just hurts. It's not dramatic. It's just sad.
He's selfish, isn't he? ]
It's a little complicated. He doesn't like being observed, but he's also me. And I- it makes me uneasy when people can't see him. We're one of those types of people, the two of us, who only really wants things that are the opposite of other things they want. We're difficult. I'm sure that you hadn't noticed yet.
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[Adrian looks at his mug. It's terribly empty. Tragic.]
In any case, I just want to adhere to both of your preferences if possible.
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[ He gives it some thought. ]
Let him be if he's just minding his own business? In that case, it's probably him. If he's bothering you or causing trouble, that's more of me.
[ It sounds so weird. Language isn't really built for communicating the experience of being two separate people at once ]
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[There's a soft snort of amusement.] Oh, I know it'll be you. I can't imagine it any other way.
But that's fine by me. If you need to escape for awhile, I understand.
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[ If it sounds like he’s trying not to think about that too much that’s because he is absolutely trying not to think about that too much. Star is just trying to give him space, nothing more. ]
Thank you. I’m sure I’ll get over myself eventually. Be one of those nice convenient dead people who just wants all the alive people to be safe and happy. Get you to teach me a lesson or two about developing a half-decent martyr complex, Mr. ‘I’ll be miserable and alone if he wants it’.
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[He scoffs. Don't doubt how deep his martyr complex can go!!]
I've no lessons to share. But I want nothing more than to make him happy. ...He saved my life. I owe him much.
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