[There's no rhyme or reason to it; it's just a bad night.
That's the frustrating part, really; there's no reason that this night should be any different from any other night. He hasn't done anything out of the ordinary; he'd spent the day feeling Sanguis's hold on him slowly growing, just like always, and he'd showered after work, just like always. He'd eaten, just like always. He'd worked some on his projects, played with Star, thought about Adrian. It's all just the same things he always does. It's all just the same.
It's raining outside, when he goes to sleep. It's peaceful to listen to it rattling on the roof and the windows of his apartment. It makes the darkness feel friendlier, somehow, and he likes that. His bed is comfortable and his pillowcases still smell faintly of roses because he's still using up that shampoo he'd bought back when it was Adrian's birthday. He's warm, and he's safe, and he falls asleep content.
There's no reason why he should have a nightmare now.
And yet.
And yet he wakes up with his heart pounding and his sheets damp with cold sweat, disoriented and afraid and convinced that something is in his room with him, so certain of it that Star appears in an instant with his fists up and his jaw set, ready to defend him against the nothingness waiting for him.
Because that's what's waiting for him, of course. Nothing. There's nothing there. It's nothing, nothing, nothing.
He tosses and turns for a while, stubbornly trying to shake the edginess that crawls along his nerves like sandpaper down his skin, burying his face in his pillow and shoving away thoughts of how close the ceiling feels in the darkness, how every six seconds he's holding his breath waiting for what might happen on the seventh. The bed is wet and cold, now. He's got work in the morning. It's stupid, he can't be doing this, not now.
But the feeling doesn't go away, and before long he thinks of reaching for his phone, hungry for attention and reassurance.
He doesn't know why he can't make himself do it. Shame, maybe. Guilt. Maybe something else.
But he doesn't hear the rain outside anymore, and he's not getting back to sleep like this, so he rolls out of bed and drags on some sweatpants and a pair of shoes, and takes his keys and his hat and he just starts walking. The wolf is happier to be out in the fresh, clean night air; the smell of it is rich and soothing, and the puddles splash under his shoes.
He's fine, until he hears it running down from some nearby gutter — running water, jagged metal, broken clocks and empty streets and he's wound too tight, his shoulders hurt from how hard he's contracted the muscles in them without realizing it, his hands are shaking and he doesn't know what's wrong.
...He left his phone at his apartment. Fuck.
So he just starts walking, again, and halfway to his destination the rain picks up again, and he doesn't care. It drizzles down on him, chilly in the night air, wetting his fur and his tail and his clothes and the rain on his face is wet but some of the tracks of water running down his cheeks are hot and at least there's no way to tell which is which, just from looking.
Eventually, he reaches the walk up to Adrian's apartment, and makes it to the door, and reaches for his phone again and realizes again that he doesn't have it on him. Shit.
...Maybe he shouldn't wake him up. He wants to, but maybe...
No, he should. He should, but just...maybe...
It just feels like a lot. It's just so much, he just needs to think. So he just...sits down next to Adrian's door and leans against the jamb, and pulls his knees up and just sits, staring out into the rainy night, and loses track of time and himself and everything.
It's Star who knocks, finally, because Jotaro never explicitly prevented him from it, and in the end, he was right about Star — it is his power to protect his user, no matter the cost, even when his user can't verbalize the thought for himself.]
[For Adrian, sleep has been coming easier and easier, his lacerations finally healing after what's felt like so long. It's appropriate perhaps that his wounds were quite literally healed by both Trevor and Jotaro alike, honestly. Slowly, his heart heals as well, taken to focusing more on his art, painting and carving. Really, his apartment is ending up more like a studio at this rate.
The knocking wakes him from bed, and he tugs on a nightgown before he's making his way to the door. He's not completely surprised to see who it is, more concerned than anything else.]
Jojo. Star.
[His voice is soft, and he holds out a hand to Jotaro.]
Come here. Let's get you both out of the rain. I'll make some tea.
[Adrian will get to asking him what's wrong soon, but right now the important part is to help him dry off and get comfortable. They'll get to the core of it soon.]
[His wolf ears are drooping slightly, the fur wet from the rain, when the door creaks open and Adrian ultimately emerges. He probably smells, he thinks idly. Wet dog. Not appealing. Roses would be better but that's what his pillowcases smell like, not his fur. Adrian likes roses. Adrian's got a better sense of smell than a human would have, too; he can probably already pick out the wet dog smell, and there's no escaping it.
Belatedly, he notices the hand offered out to him. Right, that would be good, wouldn't it. Going inside. He's already soaked through, but inside will keep Adrian from getting wet, anyway. That's important.
It never really occurs to him that for all that his thoughts are so clear and deliberate within the confines of his own head, none of those thoughts are actually making it to his lips. It just...doesn't. All the words are jumbled up in his head, and there are none in his mouth.
Strange.
But he gets up slowly, pushing himself up off the ground with his shoulders slumped and his tail sagging, and gingerly places his hand in Adrian's to let himself be led inside.]
[Gently, he guides Jotaro inside, shutting the door behind the both of them. There's water dripping off of Jotaro, but honestly it's less important in comparison to ensuring he's taken care of right now.
So, he navigates the pair of them through the apartment until they reach Adrian's bedroom. Pausing, he reaches out to stroke his hand down Jotaro's cheek.]
Undress. I'll get you something dry to wear, and a towel.
[Reluctantly, their hands part, just so he can get to work on said tea and towel alike. He doesn't waste much time, cheating with a bit of supernatural speed to get to work, not wanting to spare too much time being apart from Jotaro.
So, he does return quickly, a towel draped over his arm along with the largest sweatpants he could find, as well as one of the shirts he's stolen from Jotaro in the past.]
[He's dripping on the rug. He could keep that from happening, he thinks vaguely, if he were to stop time and undress in the five seconds he'd have before the flow of the world resumed. Star would do it for him if he wanted, he thinks even as he's tugging off the ratty shirt he'd worn to bed and shoving down the elastic waistband of his sweatpants with mindless abandon. Star would do anything for him if he wanted it.
Adrian would too, he muses. Everyone would. Everyone always — for him, they always, it's always about him, and everyone —
Weakly, he shoves away that train of thought and lets his mind blank out again, silently going through the motions until his wet clothes are in a heap and he's down to just his boxer briefs, idling a minute before it occurs to him to pick up the damp things and give them to Star so they're not just soaking into the rug.
Say thank you, he reminds himself when Adrian returns with dry clothes for him. Say something. Say thanks. Say it, say anything.]
...
[That's not what was supposed to happen. He tries again, determined, and manages a faint whisper.]
[In return Adrian offers a faint smile, placing the clothing onto the bed. Reaching up with the towel, he gently rubs at Jotaro's hair, reaching for his wolfish ears to carefully dry them as well. Leaving the towel draped around his shoulders, Adrian leans in to kiss his cheek.]
There is no need to apologize, but you're welcome.
We can talk, if you'd like. Or just sit together. Whichever you prefer.
[His tail swishes sort of limply in response to the affection; if he were close enough for it to thump against something, it would.]
I forgot my phone.
[That seems...important. To say that. He's not sure why, when he's already inside and the necessity of a phone is sort of moot, but it nags at him and it'll keep nagging until he says something, he's sure, so he does.]
[His head lowers as he sits down, still just in his boxer briefs because the dry clothes are there but he just...hasn't put them on yet. He's glad Adrian is keeping hold of his hands. It makes him feel tethered. Like he knows where he is.
Before long, he's sagging to the side, leaning up against Adrian with his head on his shoulder.]
I was running...I think. I couldn't see. There was something in my eyes, everything was blurry. I kept falling. But it was hard to get up, I'd slip every time, like...getting traction on gravel, or something. For a while that was just it, but then pretty soon I figured out where I was. It was the way home...home to my house, back in Japan.
[He closes his eyes, squeezing Adrian's hands.]
Something was running after me, but I got through the gate, and then I just had to run over the bridge to get into the house. But the boards were wet, I guess. I slipped, and I fell into the river. Then I was drowning...I couldn't pull myself back out again.
[His lips purse.]
I think I must've woken up, because the next thing I remember was walking across the yard into my house. But no one was there, and I just kept walking and walking, until I heard a radio saying that there was someone outside. Some kind of report. So I looked outside, into the firefly garden, and Dio was out there.
I — I got scared. So I hid, and I...tried to get to my mom's room. Like I was a little kid again. But I got there and she was fine, and she told me it was just a nightmare, and to go back to sleep. She got up and walked me back to my room and made me get in bed, and I heard her walking back down the hall. But she kept walking, and walking, and pretty soon I rolled over to see why she was walking so much, and as I did he walked in and came over and — shoved me down, held me down and said something I don't remember and...
[One hand releases Jotaro, and it reaches up to start to pet through his hair, slow and loving, as if Adrian is focusing on how his hair delightfully curls. It's also an encouragement for him to stay as he is, his weight supported by Adrian.]
While it's easy to brush off these things as just dreams, I think also we both need to remember all that you have been through. All that you've endured and lost-- those things are real, and you're still healing from it. As am I from my own experiences.
It isn't stupid. It's you, trying to cope somehow, unsure how to manage after everything. And... that's perfectly all right. I wish you had better dreams waiting for you, but I certainly don't blame you for what you experienced.
[Turning his head, he gives Jotaro's brow a light kiss.]
And I want to be here for you when you need me. Including this very moment.
[He mumbles appreciatively, beginning to unwind with the familiar touches to his hair. It reminds him, idly, of the peace and quiet he'd felt that time Adrian had him wearing a collar, trotting around like a dog. That sort of thing is the last thing he wants to get into at a time like this, he decides, but the effects of it — the calm — now that was nice.
Slowly, he sags further and further down, abandoning Adrian's shoulder only so that he can shift to having his head outright in his lap, curled on his side while his breathing slows.]
Do you think I was born to kill him?
[Something he's wondered about before, in his uglier moments, but he's rarely dared to put it into words.]
I mean...without me. Do you think that would've just been it? If it'd been someone else, he would've won?
[The position is fine, and Adrian's fingers continue to work along Jotaro's scalp fondly.]
I think you were born because your parents loved each other terribly. [That part is said wryly, but he does turn more serious as it is needed.]
Jojo, when I think of myself in terms of who had to fight Dracula, who had to kill him, I would... often wonder if it could have been different. That I wish it was someone else who could've staked him. The circumstances are different between us, but I understand a bit how you might be thinking about it. Was it fate that I had to do this? Was I destined to endure these hardships?
The truth is that there are infinite possibilities of what could have happened. I am only sorry that you suffered as you had, and that the responsibility was placed onto you. It's unfair, there is no other way to put it. But I also do think there were other chances that it was someone else in your shoes.
[What a boy remark to make. At least it's a sign that maybe he's feeling a little better, though.]
I think...if it'd had to be me, that would be okay. One guy for the whole world. When I think about it like that, it feels like I could be okay with it. It just makes sense.
[He huffs softly; after a minute, one of his previously-steady breaths turns into a shaky sniffle.]
But if I'm okay with it, then why does dying still scare me so much?
I know it's shocking, but people have sex to reproduce.
[But he's glad that Jotaro is being more like himself. If nothing else, there is that. Adrian smiles for a moment, but it does fade as they go back to the topic at hand.]
Because there is so much to lose.
Before we became close, I was... so content to just let myself sleep. I knew what it meant. But now I cannot imagine returning to that mindset. I can't bear the idea of losing you or anyone else. All of those experiences to share. To laugh together, to create things together, whether it's art or studying a fascinating piece of history, or watching the stars next to each other.
Those are the things I'm scared of losing. I don't know if that's true for you too. But that's how it is for me.
You better not get pregnant from that time you had a...you know. No reproducing.
[YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER AND SHE'S PHYSICALLY IN THE CITY YOU DISASTER.]
I wonder if that's what you think about, when you're dying. All the things you're losing. I don't remember anything I was thinking while I was fighting Dio. I mean...I know I thought things. I just can't remember any of it.
[Vaguely, it occurs to him that maybe there's a connection between those two seemingly unrelated things. Things he's blocked out, and the dreams he sometimes has.]
Not that it'd be so bad, I guess. You'd be a good dad. Mom. Dmom. Whatever. You're the mom, you're fussy.
[Even in Sanguis, even with his natural temperature running cooler than a human's, the hand on his side feels warm. The kind of warmth born of safety, not of heat or cold.]
Can you keep doing that? Um...touching me. It's...I like it.
[His breathing comes slower now, deeper with each rise and fall of his chest. Gradually, his fingers find their way to Adrian's knee and brush against it, tracing aimlessly.]
Yeah. I'm not...dunno. Not so keyed up anymore. Safe. ...Feels safe.
[His wolf ears twitch a little, and his tail thumps approvingly. He seems to bask in the attention, tongue loosening the more he unwinds.]
Hey. You knew Avdol...he's not here anymore. I found out the other day. Maybe that's what's got me thinking about Dio again, too. Because I'm the last one left, now. Like I was then.
[Unexpectedly, his tail thumps against the mattress while one of his legs twitches — what might've been a reflexive kick, if he weren't a fully-grown guy the size of a refrigerator. Not unlike what a puppy might do, perhaps, while his sensitive ears were played with.]
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet. Like...I've been telling people and trying to help keep his husband together, all the things he'd want me to do, but...
It's like, if I went over there right now, he'd still be there. Or at his shop. It doesn't...it doesn't feel like he's really gone.
[Of course, there would be Avdol's husband to be concerned with. But that isn't something that Adrian can handle. Instead, he focuses on Jotaro, stroking his hair.]
Those places are as if they are haunted, in a way. All of their belongings undisturbed, shown as if they were still living there. It's understandable.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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That's the frustrating part, really; there's no reason that this night should be any different from any other night. He hasn't done anything out of the ordinary; he'd spent the day feeling Sanguis's hold on him slowly growing, just like always, and he'd showered after work, just like always. He'd eaten, just like always. He'd worked some on his projects, played with Star, thought about Adrian. It's all just the same things he always does. It's all just the same.
It's raining outside, when he goes to sleep. It's peaceful to listen to it rattling on the roof and the windows of his apartment. It makes the darkness feel friendlier, somehow, and he likes that. His bed is comfortable and his pillowcases still smell faintly of roses because he's still using up that shampoo he'd bought back when it was Adrian's birthday. He's warm, and he's safe, and he falls asleep content.
There's no reason why he should have a nightmare now.
And yet.
And yet he wakes up with his heart pounding and his sheets damp with cold sweat, disoriented and afraid and convinced that something is in his room with him, so certain of it that Star appears in an instant with his fists up and his jaw set, ready to defend him against the nothingness waiting for him.
Because that's what's waiting for him, of course. Nothing. There's nothing there. It's nothing, nothing, nothing.
He tosses and turns for a while, stubbornly trying to shake the edginess that crawls along his nerves like sandpaper down his skin, burying his face in his pillow and shoving away thoughts of how close the ceiling feels in the darkness, how every six seconds he's holding his breath waiting for what might happen on the seventh. The bed is wet and cold, now. He's got work in the morning. It's stupid, he can't be doing this, not now.
But the feeling doesn't go away, and before long he thinks of reaching for his phone, hungry for attention and reassurance.
He doesn't know why he can't make himself do it. Shame, maybe. Guilt. Maybe something else.
But he doesn't hear the rain outside anymore, and he's not getting back to sleep like this, so he rolls out of bed and drags on some sweatpants and a pair of shoes, and takes his keys and his hat and he just starts walking. The wolf is happier to be out in the fresh, clean night air; the smell of it is rich and soothing, and the puddles splash under his shoes.
He's fine, until he hears it running down from some nearby gutter — running water, jagged metal, broken clocks and empty streets and he's wound too tight, his shoulders hurt from how hard he's contracted the muscles in them without realizing it, his hands are shaking and he doesn't know what's wrong.
...He left his phone at his apartment. Fuck.
So he just starts walking, again, and halfway to his destination the rain picks up again, and he doesn't care. It drizzles down on him, chilly in the night air, wetting his fur and his tail and his clothes and the rain on his face is wet but some of the tracks of water running down his cheeks are hot and at least there's no way to tell which is which, just from looking.
Eventually, he reaches the walk up to Adrian's apartment, and makes it to the door, and reaches for his phone again and realizes again that he doesn't have it on him. Shit.
...Maybe he shouldn't wake him up. He wants to, but maybe...
No, he should. He should, but just...maybe...
It just feels like a lot. It's just so much, he just needs to think. So he just...sits down next to Adrian's door and leans against the jamb, and pulls his knees up and just sits, staring out into the rainy night, and loses track of time and himself and everything.
It's Star who knocks, finally, because Jotaro never explicitly prevented him from it, and in the end, he was right about Star — it is his power to protect his user, no matter the cost, even when his user can't verbalize the thought for himself.]
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The knocking wakes him from bed, and he tugs on a nightgown before he's making his way to the door. He's not completely surprised to see who it is, more concerned than anything else.]
Jojo. Star.
[His voice is soft, and he holds out a hand to Jotaro.]
Come here. Let's get you both out of the rain. I'll make some tea.
[Adrian will get to asking him what's wrong soon, but right now the important part is to help him dry off and get comfortable. They'll get to the core of it soon.]
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Belatedly, he notices the hand offered out to him. Right, that would be good, wouldn't it. Going inside. He's already soaked through, but inside will keep Adrian from getting wet, anyway. That's important.
It never really occurs to him that for all that his thoughts are so clear and deliberate within the confines of his own head, none of those thoughts are actually making it to his lips. It just...doesn't. All the words are jumbled up in his head, and there are none in his mouth.
Strange.
But he gets up slowly, pushing himself up off the ground with his shoulders slumped and his tail sagging, and gingerly places his hand in Adrian's to let himself be led inside.]
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So, he navigates the pair of them through the apartment until they reach Adrian's bedroom. Pausing, he reaches out to stroke his hand down Jotaro's cheek.]
Undress. I'll get you something dry to wear, and a towel.
[Reluctantly, their hands part, just so he can get to work on said tea and towel alike. He doesn't waste much time, cheating with a bit of supernatural speed to get to work, not wanting to spare too much time being apart from Jotaro.
So, he does return quickly, a towel draped over his arm along with the largest sweatpants he could find, as well as one of the shirts he's stolen from Jotaro in the past.]
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Adrian would too, he muses. Everyone would. Everyone always — for him, they always, it's always about him, and everyone —
Weakly, he shoves away that train of thought and lets his mind blank out again, silently going through the motions until his wet clothes are in a heap and he's down to just his boxer briefs, idling a minute before it occurs to him to pick up the damp things and give them to Star so they're not just soaking into the rug.
Say thank you, he reminds himself when Adrian returns with dry clothes for him. Say something. Say thanks. Say it, say anything.]
...
[That's not what was supposed to happen. He tries again, determined, and manages a faint whisper.]
Thanks...sorry.
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There is no need to apologize, but you're welcome.
We can talk, if you'd like. Or just sit together. Whichever you prefer.
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I forgot my phone.
[That seems...important. To say that. He's not sure why, when he's already inside and the necessity of a phone is sort of moot, but it nags at him and it'll keep nagging until he says something, he's sure, so he does.]
Sorry. I just started walking.
[Despite himself, his hands tremble.]
I had a dream, I think.
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Let's sit. Then tell me whatever you feel like you have to.
[With careful tug, he's guiding Jotaro to sit on the bed next to him, holding his hands and stroking his knuckles.]
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Before long, he's sagging to the side, leaning up against Adrian with his head on his shoulder.]
I was running...I think. I couldn't see. There was something in my eyes, everything was blurry. I kept falling. But it was hard to get up, I'd slip every time, like...getting traction on gravel, or something. For a while that was just it, but then pretty soon I figured out where I was. It was the way home...home to my house, back in Japan.
[He closes his eyes, squeezing Adrian's hands.]
Something was running after me, but I got through the gate, and then I just had to run over the bridge to get into the house. But the boards were wet, I guess. I slipped, and I fell into the river. Then I was drowning...I couldn't pull myself back out again.
[His lips purse.]
I think I must've woken up, because the next thing I remember was walking across the yard into my house. But no one was there, and I just kept walking and walking, until I heard a radio saying that there was someone outside. Some kind of report. So I looked outside, into the firefly garden, and Dio was out there.
I — I got scared. So I hid, and I...tried to get to my mom's room. Like I was a little kid again. But I got there and she was fine, and she told me it was just a nightmare, and to go back to sleep. She got up and walked me back to my room and made me get in bed, and I heard her walking back down the hall. But she kept walking, and walking, and pretty soon I rolled over to see why she was walking so much, and as I did he walked in and came over and — shoved me down, held me down and said something I don't remember and...
[He sighs.]
And that's it. I woke up. It's stupid.
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[One hand releases Jotaro, and it reaches up to start to pet through his hair, slow and loving, as if Adrian is focusing on how his hair delightfully curls. It's also an encouragement for him to stay as he is, his weight supported by Adrian.]
While it's easy to brush off these things as just dreams, I think also we both need to remember all that you have been through. All that you've endured and lost-- those things are real, and you're still healing from it. As am I from my own experiences.
It isn't stupid. It's you, trying to cope somehow, unsure how to manage after everything. And... that's perfectly all right. I wish you had better dreams waiting for you, but I certainly don't blame you for what you experienced.
[Turning his head, he gives Jotaro's brow a light kiss.]
And I want to be here for you when you need me. Including this very moment.
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Slowly, he sags further and further down, abandoning Adrian's shoulder only so that he can shift to having his head outright in his lap, curled on his side while his breathing slows.]
Do you think I was born to kill him?
[Something he's wondered about before, in his uglier moments, but he's rarely dared to put it into words.]
I mean...without me. Do you think that would've just been it? If it'd been someone else, he would've won?
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I think you were born because your parents loved each other terribly. [That part is said wryly, but he does turn more serious as it is needed.]
Jojo, when I think of myself in terms of who had to fight Dracula, who had to kill him, I would... often wonder if it could have been different. That I wish it was someone else who could've staked him. The circumstances are different between us, but I understand a bit how you might be thinking about it. Was it fate that I had to do this? Was I destined to endure these hardships?
The truth is that there are infinite possibilities of what could have happened. I am only sorry that you suffered as you had, and that the responsibility was placed onto you. It's unfair, there is no other way to put it. But I also do think there were other chances that it was someone else in your shoes.
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[What a boy remark to make. At least it's a sign that maybe he's feeling a little better, though.]
I think...if it'd had to be me, that would be okay. One guy for the whole world. When I think about it like that, it feels like I could be okay with it. It just makes sense.
[He huffs softly; after a minute, one of his previously-steady breaths turns into a shaky sniffle.]
But if I'm okay with it, then why does dying still scare me so much?
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[But he's glad that Jotaro is being more like himself. If nothing else, there is that. Adrian smiles for a moment, but it does fade as they go back to the topic at hand.]
Because there is so much to lose.
Before we became close, I was... so content to just let myself sleep. I knew what it meant. But now I cannot imagine returning to that mindset. I can't bear the idea of losing you or anyone else. All of those experiences to share. To laugh together, to create things together, whether it's art or studying a fascinating piece of history, or watching the stars next to each other.
Those are the things I'm scared of losing. I don't know if that's true for you too. But that's how it is for me.
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[YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER AND SHE'S PHYSICALLY IN THE CITY YOU DISASTER.]
I wonder if that's what you think about, when you're dying. All the things you're losing. I don't remember anything I was thinking while I was fighting Dio. I mean...I know I thought things. I just can't remember any of it.
[Vaguely, it occurs to him that maybe there's a connection between those two seemingly unrelated things. Things he's blocked out, and the dreams he sometimes has.]
I'm glad I lived to love you.
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No, I don't think you have to worry about that from me.
[Adrian pauses, then strokes his hand down Jotaro's shoulders, his waist, then rests the palm there.]
I couldn't say. It depends, I suppose. But you were in such a situation that I don't think you could be blamed for forgetting.
[He smiles down at Jotaro, adoringly.]
As am I. And I'm glad I stayed awake to know you, and be with you.
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[Even in Sanguis, even with his natural temperature running cooler than a human's, the hand on his side feels warm. The kind of warmth born of safety, not of heat or cold.]
Can you keep doing that? Um...touching me. It's...I like it.
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[Slowly, his hand continues, stroking down Jotaro's side.]
Of course.
Do you feel any better?
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[His breathing comes slower now, deeper with each rise and fall of his chest. Gradually, his fingers find their way to Adrian's knee and brush against it, tracing aimlessly.]
Yeah. I'm not...dunno. Not so keyed up anymore. Safe. ...Feels safe.
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[He brushes Jotaro's hair back from his eyes.]
Good. I'd do anything to keep you safe, Jojo. Even if it's from yourself.
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[His wolf ears twitch a little, and his tail thumps approvingly. He seems to bask in the attention, tongue loosening the more he unwinds.]
Hey. You knew Avdol...he's not here anymore. I found out the other day. Maybe that's what's got me thinking about Dio again, too. Because I'm the last one left, now. Like I was then.
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[He gently tugs at a wolfish ear, rubbing it affectionately between a finger and thumb.]
But you aren't alone. You know that, I hope.
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[Unexpectedly, his tail thumps against the mattress while one of his legs twitches — what might've been a reflexive kick, if he weren't a fully-grown guy the size of a refrigerator. Not unlike what a puppy might do, perhaps, while his sensitive ears were played with.]
I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. I guess it hasn't really sunk in yet. Like...I've been telling people and trying to help keep his husband together, all the things he'd want me to do, but...
It's like, if I went over there right now, he'd still be there. Or at his shop. It doesn't...it doesn't feel like he's really gone.
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Those places are as if they are haunted, in a way. All of their belongings undisturbed, shown as if they were still living there. It's understandable.
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[He closes his eyes, even as his shoulders tense up a little.]
If that were us...if, I mean, someday. If it were you, going back to Wallachia, and I was still here. What would you want me to do?
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